Young Blood
by Tiva4evaxxx
Summary: Teresa Lisbon had been keeping her secrets fine until Patrick Jane came to town, but he upsets the mix   just when her secrets become even more important to be kept than ever. A high school fic but with a big difference. Will have the team and Jisbon.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys, me back with another new story, and a multichapter, like a proper big one ;) This is probably my biggest mentalist project yet and certainly means the most to me, i've been planning it for at least a year, and having just spent a month in mexico and two weeks in france on a long summer after exams, i've (finally) had some time to sit down and write it!**

**I've never written a high school fic before, and while this is a high school fic, it's probably (or at least i hope!) pretty different to other ones you've read, or certainly ones i've read before. Warning you now it will get fairly dark and will dip into some murky subjects (telling you what they are would kinda ruin the story :P) that some people may not be comfortable with but i am going to rate it a T. It's very focussed on Lisbon in particular and what she has to deal with, and there will be jisbon a plenty in later chapters!**

**I've been very concerned about trying to keep them in character, plus i've added a few other characters of my own to the mix, and any of you who have read my story 'But Why' may recognise the names, i hope you don't mind the new additions and find them likeable enough! For each chapter i have some song lyrics at the start, it may be because the song relates to the mood of the chapter, or the lyrics relate to a specific part of the chapter, or simply because i listened to it a lot while i wrote it. Hope you don't mind, and if you do feel free to ignore it! Oh and t****he title is inspiration from a song, Young Blood by the Naked and Famous. **

**Finally, sorry for such a long authors note but i felt i had to explain a few things! I really hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the mentalist, even if i do occasionally have jisbon dreams. :P **

_We'll do it all,_

_Everything, _

_ On our own. _

__~ Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol__

Chapter 1

She tiptoed down the stairs, careful not to make a sound. Normally she hated being so small, but at times like this she was eternally grateful for her size; it made it easier to sneak around. Something she had to do a lot of these days. Trying not to sigh out loud she crept into the lounge, and tears sprang to her eyes at the scene. It had been like this for longer than she cared to remember, but for some reason every damn time she welled up. Tears of bitterness, she figured, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. It didn't matter, because the first time she'd seen it was the only time she'd ever actually cried, and the same day she'd promised herself that it would be the last.

Her father was sprawled on the couch, where her and Tommy, the eldest of the three boys, had managed to drag him last night. Tommy was only eleven, and she'd quickly shooed him off to bed once they were done. Lisbon hated that he had to see this, but she just couldn't move him by herself sometimes - though she was always tried alone at first. It was a relief to see that he hadn't been sick again, having cleared up the first three rounds last night it was a small blessing that that didn't have to be done, as well as everything else, before the boys were up. She froze as he mumbled something into a cushion on the couch, but he turned his head and settled again. A glance at the tiny clock propped up on the mantelpiece told her that it was already six o'clock and resisting the urge to swear she began quickly (but very, very quietly) picking up the bottles that she had missed last night. It had been dark, she'd staggered into the room, crumpling under her dad's weight. Once she'd sent Tommy off to bed she had started to round up a few, but she'd been out of energy. It drained her – he drained her, and she'd barely made it up the stairs before collapsing, exhausted, in her room. She watched the swirling liquid as she tipped the remnants of the bottles down the sink, wrinkling her nose at the bitter, foul smell of alcohol.

"Teri?" a muffled voice came from across the room, she closed her eyes, praying he wasn't awake yet. She moved out of sight and pressed her back to the wall, holding her breath. It was always a bad thing if he woke before they got out the house. Today though, it appeared she was lucky, and again, he slipped back into a deeper sleep. She slid down the wall, wrapping her arms around her knees, and resting her head on top. Just a minute, she told herself. Sometimes you just have to take a minute.

A few deep breaths later, she dragged herself off the kitchen floor, and got to work. She disposed of the empty glass bottles, washed up the rest of last night's dishes that she hadn't had the chance to finish before her father had stumbled in around midnight, and generally cleaned up. She barely had time to finish packing her brothers lunches before 7a.m. came round, and it was time to wake them up. Before she went upstairs she did a quick search to recover any booze she'd missed, finding a bottle or two hidden behind cushions and under furniture, and disposing of them. Then without any guilt whatsoever she raided his wallet, finding five dollars which would be enough to get her brothers some breakfast. Chances were he wouldn't miss it, and if he did, she'd take the rap once she got home.

She went into Tommy's room first, at eleven he was the oldest, and probably the one who kept her at least that little bit sane. "Hey you," she said, chucking a cushion at his face, "Time for school,"

He groaned and she smiled a little, "Come on," she said, sharply pulling his duvet clean off the bed. He groaned again and curled up in a ball, "I'm going to wake the others up, if I'm back and you're not up…" she warned,

"Mhmm," he mumbled, turning over.

She rolled her eyes, and went into the room directly opposite, to wake Jack and Benny up. Jack was nine, old enough to have vague memories of their mom dying, not old enough to completely understand what was happening and what was causing their father to fall apart. She sat on his bed, the lightest sleeper of the lot; he was the best at getting up in the morning. She shook his shoulder, "Time to get up," she said, and he half opened his sleepy eyes.

"Morning Ter," he whispered, granting her a sleepy smile.

"Morning," she whispered back, squeezing his shoulder. "When you're up, do me a favour and check that Tommy's up, kay?" He nodded, and started getting out of bed.

She then turned to the bed in the far corner of the room, where her youngest brother was still fast asleep. Her heart melted a little bit when she saw him, his smalls hands were clutching the duvet that was wrapped tightly around him.

"Benny?" she whispered, sinking down onto the bed next to him. He was so innocent, just five, he'd practically been a baby when mom died, and the only thing he understands about their father is that when he comes in yelling, it's time to hide. Sometimes it makes her sad that he'll never know what dad was like before, before mom died, before the drinking started. But what makes her sadder is that he'll only have the most vague, the most distant memories of their mother. He'll only ever have flashes, a scent, a word, a sudden burst of colour, the faint memory of a laugh. That his image of her would be fragmented - small snatches of what he actually remembered mixed with the longing of everything he wanted her to be. Like a dream - always doubting, it would be impossible for him to distinguish the difference between reality and fantasy. And at some points it'll feel as though she's so close he could touch her, that if he took a breath deep enough, he'd smell her scent mingled with that perfume she used to wear. But at others, she'll feel so far away he'll begin to doubt whether she even existed, when the memories and dreams are so faded it's like trying to watch a film where the sound is muffled, and the picture blurry.

"Benny," she said again, running a hand through his messy brown curls.

His fists unfurled, and the duvet around him loosened, "Tessa," he said, with a sleepy but all the same delighted tone.

"Hey," she said smiling, that tone never failed to put a smile on her face.

"Is it the weekend?" He mumbled,

"No honey," she laughed, "It's Friday, one more day, but it's time to get up,"

"Okay, is daddy home?"

"He's home, but he's sleeping, so we have to be super quiet, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered, as he sat up, leaning in for a hug. She wrapped her arms around the boy, taking a moment, breathing him in.

"Now, time to get dressed." She said, lifting him up off the bed and putting him on his feet. "Can you get your clothes out while I go check on your brothers?" At his drowsy nod, she headed next door, where she found Jack attempting to get Tommy up.

He was half awake, and was sat on the side of his bed, Jack turned to leave as he saw her come in, but she put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Dad's downstairs, and we don't want to wake him up, so we need to be quiet, okay?"

"Are we going to go straight to school again?" Jack asked,

"Yeah, that's right,"

"But, I'm hungry," he said, looking and feeling guilty for asking.

"I have some money; we can go to the store and get something to share,"

He nodded, and left. Tommy was wide awake now, and stood up to meet his sister. "Do you really have money?"

"I took five dollars from dad's wallet," she said in a way of an explanation.

"Okay," he yawned, stretching his arms out above his head.

"Sorry I had to wake you up last night,"

"It's okay,"

"Are you tired?" she asked, concern creeping into her voice.

"No," he lied, "I'm fine Teri, go help Ben,"

A hectic half an hour later, and she was shoving the three boys out the door, "Are you coming?" Tommy yelled behind as she lingered by the door,

"I'll catch up," she said, cursing herself for not being able to just walk out. "Just forgot something,"

Quickly, every second filled with self loathing, she ran to the kitchen, filled a glass of water, and got two aspirin out of the cupboard. Gently she set them down on the table next to the couch, and holding back more tears, she grabbed her bag and hurried out the door to run after her brothers.

The walk to her brother's school was only about ten minutes, with the store on the way, and once she'd dropped them off the walk to hers was only another five. But by the time she'd passed through the school gates she was already exhausted. "Late night Teri?" One of her best friends Alex asked as she approached her by the lockers.

"That obvious?"

"You look like crap," she stated.

"Gee, thanks," she moaned, secretly thankful for the normal banter between them.

"This will fix that," Cara said, shoving a coffee in her hand.

Lisbon threw the blue eyed girl a thankful look, and didn't waste any time in gulping it down, not caring that it burnt her mouth.

"Are you okay?" Cara asked her, she was the more caring of the two, Alex cared, but she was less open about it, more of a tough love kinda girl.

"I'm fine," she said, with a fake smile, "Just a little tired,"

She didn't look convinced, but she was too tired to really care about how effectively she was fooling two of her best friends.

"Where're Grace and Immy?" Alex asked,

"Not sure," Cara said, "Probably late,"

Lisbon half listened to the rest of their conversation, but was more concentrated on trying to balance her books in one hand and her coffee in the other – it was an art that took practice. She turned around, and with her eyes fixed on her books she did, so naturally it was a shock when a person appeared out of nowhere and slammed into her. "Shit," she said, as her books fell to the floor and hot coffee splashed across her top, "Ow," tears sprang to her eyes as the liquid burnt her arm and stomach. The day she'd had, she was ready to scream at whichever idiot had run into her. She looked up, with a death glare at the guy who had run into her. Alex and Cara had finished their conversation, and Alex was trying to hold back laughter, "Do you think he'll survive?" she whispered to Cara, who elbowed her in the ribs.

Stepping back, she got a better look at the guy, who, just to infuriate her more, was smiling down at her. "Sorry," he said cheerfully. _What was wrong with this guy? _"Are you okay?"

"No," she replied bitterly, "Coffee is hot."

"Let me see," he said, touching her burnt hand and lifting it up, the contact was unexpected, and it created involuntary butterflies in her stomach. Shocked, she lifted her eyes to meet his for a second, and she noticed the intense shade of blue of his eyes, something she hadn't paid enough attention to before. His short blonde curls were perfect with his smile, and for a second, she lost herself completely. She watched frozen as he gently examined her hand, and then, suddenly remembering herself, she pulled away.

"It's fine," she muttered, and bent to pick up the books she'd dropped, to her annoyance, he joined her.

She got up again, and prayed that he'd go away. "Are you new here? Haven't seen you around before," Alex asked from behind her, her tone in pre tease mode.

"Yes, just moved here, Patrick Jane."

"Alex Feldman," she smiled widely.

"Cara," she introduced herself, "And the one giving you the evils is Teri."

"Teresa," Lisbon corrected glaring at all three of them now.

"Don't worry, it means she likes you," Alex explained to Jane.

"Good to know," he said, smiling at Lisbon, whose expression didn't change.

"It was an accident Teri," Cara said, trying to calm her down.

"Ah it's okay, she's just tired, why did you get up so early?"

Her heart skipped a beat, how could he possibly know what time she got up? Well she wasn't going to let him win. "I didn't get up early, I got up at seven, like I do every day."

"Why are you lying about something so trivial?"

"I'm not lying."

"Yes you are," he replied, ignoring her death glare, if looks could kill…

"Oh I like you," Alex said, smirking. Jane shot her a brief smile, but quickly turned his attention back to Lisbon, who had just ignored her in the first place.

"How would you know?"

"I just do."

"Why do you care?"

"Because I like you," he said,

"Well I don't like you," she stated.

"Because I spilt coffee down you?"

"Because I just don't."

"Don't worry, you will." He told her, beaming. "But right now, I really think we should do something about your hand,"

She looked at him as though he was insane, and it was all he could do not to laugh, oh, he thought, today was going to be fun.

**I'm going to be honest with you all, i have 20,000 words of this written already, i've put a lot into this, and if you enjoyed it and want the next chapter, it's ready. Just please let me know, the more reviews, the sooner the next chapter comes! It's my evil process ;) Plus i would really appreciate the feedback :P **

**I really do hope you liked it, it'll get more exciting soon, promise.**

**Emily xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter, i really appreciate your feedback, and i'm glad you like it so far! Here is chapter 2 :)**

_Like punching in a dream,_

_breathing life until my nightmare_

_~ The Naked and Famous_

Chapter 2

She'd never fully appreciated the gift of running water before today, but her hand was burning, and the rushing cool liquid was a huge relief.

"Now I'm here, can you leave me alone?" She asked, still feeling bitter.

"Mhhm, I think I'll stay."

"You're going to be late," she said, watching him.

"You're going to be late too."

"I've been here a lot longer than you."

"What class do you have first?" he asked, ignoring her previous comment.

"Math."

"With Miss. Tye?"

"Yep."

"Great," he said grinning widely, she rolled her eyes. "Maybe you'd be less grumpy if you'd got more sleep," he told her.

She glared at him, "Why don't you mind your own business?" she said, ignoring her stinging hand as she withdrew it from under the water and turned to leave - as if she wasn't having a bad enough day already, this guy was unbelievable.

"Wait," he said, reaching for her arm, "Don't leave while your hand is still hurting."

"If I put my hand back under will you go away?" she asked.

"No," he told her, smiling, "but nice try."

The smallest of smiles passed her face as she returned her hand to the water, and he felt a sudden surge of happiness, that he'd done that. He got the feeling that she didn't smile very often at the moment.

"I'm sorry I mentioned the sleeping thing in front of your friends, I didn't realize it was such a big deal." He said, testing her out, seeing if she would open up, though she didn't seem the opening up type really… at all.

He was right, she didn't say a word, she was focusing very hard on her hand and the water, apparently.

"You could have just lied though," he continued, "You didn't have to tell them the real reason."

That got her attention, she turned her head and looked at him, her green eyes were piercing, she was more perceptive than people might think, but not as perceptive as him, obviously. She had a look, like she was trying to figure him out, but couldn't quite get it. It was obvious in her eyes, let alone her whole self, that she had a lot to hide, and a lot at stake if she didn't hide it well.

"I don't like lying to my friends." She said softly, she wasn't lying… but, ah, there it was, the shame.

"Yet you do it every day?" he asked, intrigued by her.

She kept looking at him, "I said don't like."

He was confused as to why she didn't repeatedly deny it, she obviously knew that he was right, but, she was definitely stubborn, no doubt about that. She looked tired though, and he felt an unusual guilty pang for pushing her the way he had, the fight was still in her, but for another day.

"How's your hand feeling?"

He could detect the relief when he didn't push, though she masked it well. "Painful," she said, taking the shot at him. He'd give her that, he deserved it.

"You really should go to math," she said.

"Come on now, what am I really missing?"

She shook her head, "Using me as an excuse to skive, on your first day,"

"I know you'd do the same with me," he teased.

"Bashing into me because I had hot coffee in my hand, it's all starting to make sense now."

"I'm never going to have hot beverages around you," he told her.

"What makes you think you're going to be around me at all?" She said, her tone stern, but secretly enjoying the banter.

He smirked at her, and she glared at him, but this time in an openly joking manner. "Your hand's stopped hurting, hasn't it?"

"Maybe," she said, looking up at him for just a second, the sweet flash of concern she saw in his eyes left her temporarily speechless, before she found herself again and began to speak, "We really should go to math now."

"Probably," he agreed, "But first you need to cover that," he began searching through cupboards apparently looking for something quite specific, "Isn't this supposed to be the nurses office? Whoever and wherever she is, she doesn't have many supplies."

This amused her, "Oh and I suppose you're a medical expert?" she said sarcastically.

"I know basic first aid! And what's your second name?"

"Lisbon," she cursed herself for the automatic answer, "Why?" she asked defensively.

"Oh there's just bunches of files here, there you are look, 'Lisbon, T'"

She swatted his hand away from the file, and pushed the drawer shut, "Leave that stuff alone!" She said, no longer light hearted. "You shouldn't be looking in there anyway."

He held his hands up in a surrendering manner, "Sorry, I did however find what I was looking for," he held up some gauze and medical tape.

"That's a bit over the top isn't it?" she said, quick to ignore his apology and pretend the exchange and her outburst hadn't happened.

"You can hardly cover a burn with just a band aid," he told her, not that she even knew the difference.

"Fine," she said, "I'll do it," she snatched the stuff off him.

"You can't do it one handed," he rolled his eyes at her, and took the stuff back.

She leant against the wall as he, yet again, took her hand and placed the soft white dressing to her burn, asking her to hold bits of tape while he tried to secure it in place.

"I like Lisbon, that's what I'm going to call you from now on," he stated in a decisive tone.

Again she looked at him like he was insane, he found it really quite amusing. "Why would you do that?" she asked, exasperated.

"Because I like it, and it annoys you," he teased.

She glared at him, "If you're such a huge fan of last names, I'll have to start calling you Jane," she said with a smirk.

"Oh so you were listening when I introduced myself," he said, and to her great dismay she started to blush a little, he didn't comment though, well, not with any spoken words.

"Fine," she said.

"Fine," he replied.

"Well we really should get to math class, _Jane_."

"That doesn't suit you, you know, and it really doesn't bother me, Lisbon," he smirked at her enraged glare, and quietly wondered what else he'd learn about Teresa Lisbon today, though even with his skills, he wouldn't bet on the answer being a lot. She played her cards pretty close to her chest, he was guessing. If her reaction to the file and her lying earlier was anything to go by, he still had a lot to learn.

Math was usually boring as hell, Alex was so good at it that she used it as a period to sleep in, positioned right at the back of the class, and with Miss. Tye as a teacher, she more often than not got away with it too. Cara was good, tried to pay attention like the polite student she was but ended up chatting to her best friend that wasn't asleep, and on occasion when the two got really bored, they'd aim paper pellets at Alex and see if they'd wake her up. They were such kind friends. The three of them were sat on a row of four on the back, usually Grace would sit in front of Cara, with Wayne and Cho also on that row.

Of course, with the new guy in class, he'd opted for the empty seat along the back row next to Teresa Lisbon, so today, math was not boring. He'd managed to keep almost the entire class entertained, and on occasion even Lisbon had stolen a couple of smiles, even laughed along with the rest of them. Though she wouldn't admit it to anyone else – especially not him, he was quite good entertainment and it was good to laugh a little, to forget for a few minutes what she had to go home to later.

To her slight dismay her next class was history with Cara and Grace and he wasn't in it, he had geography instead. "You're going to regret that," she called after him as Alex showed him the way to the geography block, the geography teacher was a complete pervert, not that that would affect him, but he was horrible and the subject was just the definition of boring.

"We'll see," he said, and smiled at her before disappearing down another corridor.

She absent mindedly watched the spot where he'd vanished from, and then turned to her friend, who was looking at her with the biggest grin on her face.

"What?" she asked Cara, quite innocently.

"Oh nothing," she replied, knowing that suggesting anything now would mean her hitting a brick wall, but Grace and her shared a knowing look. She hadn't seen Ter smile that much in weeks.

"Do you think we'll get that assignment back today?" Grace asked, and the conversation turned to chatting about grades and homework and any upcoming exams.

The rest of the day passed fairly uneventfully, though she was secretly a little delighted to discover that a large percentage of her classes were with Jane.

And it was strange, but by the end of the day, he was almost already part of their little group. He was good at playing mind games, she'd already realized that, but seemed to get on well with the guys, Wayne and Cho, who they called Cho out of his distaste for his first name, Kimball. It was funny really, considering her and Jane's conversation this morning. Alex liked him because he was funny, Cara liked him because he seemed nice enough, but also she knew because she'd noticed the smile on her face more than once that day, and realized he was the source of that. Grace liked him for a combination of those reasons, and Imogen, Grace's younger sister more affectionately known as Immy, had only just met him, but they seemed to be getting on fine.

They were all taking their time gathering their stuff and chatting, when Lisbon checked the time on her phone. Shit. She had a minor internal panic attack before steadying herself. She had to go and quickly, she was ten minutes later than usual, and though the boys would wait she didn't know what mood her dad would be in. Some days he wouldn't have noticed if they didn't come home at all, others he expect her home at four on the dot, and it was already quarter to. If she was really quick she might make it.

"Sorry guys, I have to go," she said quickly, hoping to just say her goodbyes and make a quick escape.

She suppressed a moan when Jane started to speak, "Whereabouts do you guys live? Do you walk?"

"Bringham Road, yeah I walk" she said, silently praying he lived miles away.

"Cara and I live a few roads away, closer to school," Grace said, "And she" she pointed at Alex, "Lives a few minutes walk from us."

"I really have to go now, so I'll see you guys on Monday." She turned to walk away, and cringed as his voice spoke after her, _just let me go. _

He started to say something but seemed to think better of it, "See you then."

"Bye," she called back to everyone, and a chorus of goodbyes and see youon Monday's followed her as she walked out the door.

As soon as she was round the corner and out of sight of school, she began to run. She slowed slightly to check the time on her phone, almost ten to, she ran a little faster.

She made good time getting to the boys school, and they were stood by the gate waiting, Benny laughing, probably at something that Jack or Tommy had said. They were good with him.

"Oi you lot," she called, smiling, she tried her best to be cheerful around them, someone had to be.

"Tessa!" Benny's cry of delight made her smile a little more genuine, and the "Hi Ter" from each of her other brothers let her know they were okay.

"Sorry I'm late," she said, "Come on," she took Benny's hand, "We have to hurry and get home."

An hour later and she was glad that she didn't have school for the next few days. She'd run in with the boys at 4:02, and, as she'd feared, her father hadn't been in a very good mood. She had sent the boys to their room hurriedly so she could assess his mood, it hadn't been a good one. And she was the only punch bag in the room.

She had locked herself in the bathroom as quickly as possible, before any of her brothers could see – though Tommy wasn't stupid he knew what was going on. She'd told him in no uncertain terms that he was to stay upstairs. She assessed the damage, carefully examining her face in the mirror, tears stinging in her eyes built up even more when she viewed her reflection. She supposed the bruises on her stomach hadn't formed properly yet, but she was sure they would soon, but she didn't want to see them. Her face however, and chest and neck she couldn't avoid. She could feel a lovely bruise forming under her collar bone, she sighed, that meant higher neck jumpers or tops, she lived in Los Angeles, it was April and not exactly cold. She cringed when she looked at her face, it was pure vanity, she knew, but she hated the dark marks on her face where the whole world could see them. 'She's always been a clumsy child' her fathers words echoed in her head, slicing through her like a knife. He'd be apologetic tomorrow morning, or maybe the day after depending on when he sobered up. But then the fear would come, the cover ups. The, you don't want to be separated from your brothers, do you? Talk. She glanced up at her face again. You're sixteen years old and you're already damaged goods, she told herself. A tear trickled down her bruised cheek, she wiped it away angrily, viciously, it hurt but she didn't care. No one will ever want you, she told herself, you can forget about that new guy. What would he say if he saw you now? What would any of them say if they saw you now?

Then she forced herself to blank out her mind, and steadied herself to look in the mirror once more. She had a cut on one cheek and a bruise on the other, another quite big scratch down her forehead that ran along her hairline. Relief. She could hide that one easily. She reached for some toilet paper and wet it a little to dab the blood off her left cheek and clean the cut. She got some antiseptic out from the cabinet under the sink, and dabbed it on evenly, biting her lip as it stung. Her eyes watered some more. She cleaned it off and admired her work. It looked a lot better than it had a minute ago. Now the bruise, that was trickier. Bruises don't fade quickly and are much harder to hide. This one spread over her cheek bone and was quite an alarming colour already. She delved deeper into the cabinet – her mother had been big on medical supplies that they would mostly never use. It would break her heart to see why she was using them now, but she pushed the thought aside. She found some cream that was apparently for bruises; she'd used up the other stuff. She applied it generously, wincing as she rubbed it in. Then she took a couple of aspirin for good measure.

She glanced at the time, it was almost twenty past five, just the wrong time for this to happen – the boys would still be up. She grabbed the concealer out of her makeup bag, thankful that she kept it in here, and got to work on her bruise, dabbing the stuff on carefully, rubbing it in, trying to keep it subtle. She finished it off with a little bit of powder. She stared at her reflection some more, it wasn't by any means perfect but she deemed it good enough to go out and face the boys. She ran quickly to her bedroom to grab a sweater first though, just because they knew what was happening – Tommy especially, didn't mean they had to actually see it. Then she went out to see them, wondering as she went if that bread was still in the back of cupboard and whether it would be enough for them to have beans on toast for tea.

**Sorry, that one's a bit sad. I promise it gets interesting, give it a few more chapters. Anyway i should probably go to bed now, as i have to get up and pick up my gcse results tomorrow :/ dreeeaaaad. You know what would cheer me up if i fail tomorrow? Getting reviews ;) Please review, your feedback really does mean the world to me, and it only takes a minute. I would really appreciate it. **

**Anyway, sleeep for me now. I hope you all liked it, if you did, let me know! :) **

**Thanks for reading, **

**Emily xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much to Tdor, music-and-fairytales, OutCold, BrokenDaisy, Karen Shosocoa, Mentalgal, couchpotato565, J.L and TeresaLisbonCBI for reviewing! I hugely appreciate, review that made my day goes to Karen Shosocoa, your comment about my grammar made me very happy! I only hope i can keep it up :D **

_We could have had it all_

_Rolling in the deep _

_You had my heart inside your hand, _

_But you played it, with a beating_

_~ Rolling in the Deep, Adele_

Chapter 3

She moaned into her pillow when her alarm went off at seven a.m., and though it was an hour later than the morning before, she was drained, and all she wanted to do was stay in her warm, comfy bed. And never move from it again. She could feel her bruises already and she didn't want to get up and have to see them. It was way too early to be dealing with that sort of thing.

Dragging herself up, before she had the chance to take a proper look at herself she pulled some clothes on. She needed a bath to soothe the aching but didn't have time for one now, maybe she would later, but that was probably too hopeful a thought. She had half an hour to get out the house and still had to sort out her face. Nice one Teresa. She scraped her hair back into a temporary scruffy ponytail, and quietly tiptoed to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, ignoring a different kind of ache entirely in her stomach that reminded her of her lack of dinner the night before, and reexamined the damage. It was still as prominent as it had been yesterday, but at least it hadn't gotten any worse. She started the concealing process, determined to do a better job than she had yesterday. By the time she was done you could barely see anything, and before leaving she quickly applied a little bit of mascara, and took her hair down and brushed it out. It was fairly long now, several inches past her shoulders and if she was lucky she could get away with doing very little to it. Today it was wavy, but okay to leave wavy, and that was exactly what she did, left it.

She went back to her room and grabbed her phone and purse, and shoved them in a bag. She went across the hallway softly into Tommy's room stirring him just a little to remind him to look after his brothers, she hated having to leave them, even fairly safe in the knowledge that their father probably wouldn't surface til after noon, and that the boys would most likely be out the house by then. Tommy sometimes would take them to a friend until she finished work or just to the park down the road. It didn't really matter as long as they were out the house, Tommy knew she didn't like them being there alone.

It took her about thirty minutes to walk to work, but she didn't mind, she quite liked the walk, it gave her time to think, and no one, well no one her age at least, was ever up this early on a Saturday so her thoughts were rarely interrupted. She worked at a small coffee place that was along one of the many streets on the way to the centre, but tucked away in a little corner. The work itself wasn't so bad, quite mind numbing and basic, her old boss had been lovely, but she'd moved away and the new one was okay but not quite so nice.

She stepped in and looked around the place, it was quite small compared to a lot of places but the space was open and airy and it was quite popular. There were a few regulars already sat with their drinks and an assortment of objects ranging from newspapers to laptops. One of her friends and colleagues, Sara, handed her a coffee as she walked in the door, and she smiled at the fact that that was exactly what Cara had done yesterday morning, before she'd had it spilled all over her by Jane.

They said their hellos and got on with work, taking orders, making them, clearing up. Hoping for some tips because the pay here was crappy. Though she was thankful for the job and the money it provided.

She was quite a way through her shift when a man came in that she recognized, a regular at this place, and she went up to the counter. "Coffee please, cappuccino to take away." He said without really looking at her. He was tall, over six foot she'd guess and his suit looked expensive.

The man watched her as she poured the coffee, "You worked here long?" He asked, suddenly interested.

Teresa looked up surprised, but his tone was friendly enough "About nine months," she responded politely, business tone.

"That's a long time for a girl your age, you're what, seventeen? Eighteen?"

"Sixteen," she said a little less formally, with a small smile.

"Now that's a good work ethic," he said, smiling kindly at her, and leaning in as though he was going to tell her a secret, "Or is the pay just really good?"

She smiled again amused, "It's okay – sprinkles?" He nodded and she dusted the top of his coffee with the chocolate.

"Well," he made a show of squinting at the stupid name tags they made them wear, "Teresa, if you're interested in some easy work that pays a little bit better, just give me a call and we'll have a chat," he winked as he handed the card over, "I've been in a few times and you seem like a hard worker, and a pretty little thing like you shouldn't be wasted working somewhere like this."

"Thanks," she said, curiosity colouring her tone as she took the card from him, fingering it as she slipped it into her pocket.

"You're very welcome," he said with a smile, and with that he picked up his coffee and was gone.

She stared after him as he left, what was that about? She sensed something strange about him, but she shrugged it off – he'd seemed nice enough, and he'd handed her a business card. Maybe she would call, she was sick of this place, and well, if it pays better… But not everything he'd said had made that much sense, that was a subtle way to find out her age, but what had he meant by 'pretty little thing'? Or should she just be learning to take a compliment?

Her musings were interrupted as someone else walked in, and to her surprise, she looked up to find herself staring at Patrick Jane. "Oh, hi," she said, quite abruptly, kicking herself.

"Hi," he said amused, "So you work here?" Now he was annoyed at himself for such an obvious statement, clearly she works here, genius.

It was her turn to smirk, "Yeah, what do you want?"

"Do you do tea?"

She raised an eyebrow but nodded, and started to prepare one, checking the clock again for the time, three thirty. Only half an hour.

He watched her with hint of amusement in his eyes that she found infuriating, she was just doing her job for god's sake. She pushed the tea over to him with a certain amount of aggression that wasn't really called for.

"Thank you," he said.

He didn't seem like the other guys at school his age, she noted, his eyes were on her but not in a leering way, in a thoughtful way and suddenly she felt very bare. But before he could say anything else to her she retreated into the kitchen to hide. She couldn't figure him out, and it freaked her out the way he'd read her yesterday at school – caught her on her lying to Grace, Cara and Alex. It made her wonder what else he could read, and infuriated her because she couldn't read him, not one bit.

She felt a sudden compulsion to check that the makeup she'd put on earlier hadn't slipped, and she found comfort in tapping the concealer she'd shoved in her pocket this morning. She headed towards the staff toilets and the mirror she'd find in there.

It had gone a little, she noted, but not that much. She wondered if anyone had noticed, if _he _had noticed. She touched it up a little, so that none of the bruise was visible. Obviously the cut was more difficult to hide, but no one had picked up on it today so far. While she was there she remembered just minutes ago she'd felt her phone buzz in her jeans pocket, and pulled it out to check it.

The message was from Grace, '911 – it's Cara.'

A chill flooded through her, freezing her heart first, in panic. Shit.

She was out the room so quickly that she didn't even notice she'd left the concealer behind.

A thousand worst case scenarios flooded through her head. Cara Mantill had been battling – and winning, she might add, leukemia for the better part of the last six years. It had been late onset with her, hadn't hit till age ten which was very rare. Usually symptoms would present themselves far earlier. Cara, Grace and her had known each other since age six, and they had all known Alex since age eight. They'd come a long way from the shocked ten year olds they'd been when the word cancer was mentioned. Cara had been in remission for about two years, since they were all fourteen.

She was 99% certain that Grace's text had something to do with the leukemia, and was uncomfortable with the sudden feeling of déjà vu.

She looked at the time, it was 3:40. She sent Grace back a quick text, 'Hospital?' and then searched for her boss, she had to go, and now.

She let her go with surprising ease, though she supposed it wasn't like it was the middle of her shift. She paid her in cash like she always did and Teresa shoved the money in her bag, uncaring. She took a breath, the boys. She could have screamed with frustration, tears of panic and worry were fast filling her eyes. She told herself to freaking get it together. Grace had replied, confirming she was indeed at the hospital. She'd text Tommy, he had a cheap phone that she'd brought him with her work money, for emergencies, and he knew to check it if she was at work. Before she left the café she quickly typed him a message, 'Gonna be late, something's come up + don't know how long I'll be. Could be a while. Take the boys 2 Sams. T xxx' Sam was a friend of Tommy's, but his parents didn't mind the boys round if they all stayed out the way. And she didn't want to worry him, Cara was like a sister to the boys too, and they had all been so little when she'd last relapsed, it was only Tommy who had any real memories of it.

It was only then she realized that Patrick was still here, he'd just finished and was getting up. "Are you okay?" He asked, genuine concern in his tone. She looked funny, quite pale, eyes watery and if he had to guess he'd say she just got some bad news – not that he usually had to guess.

"I, I have to go," she stuttered, avoiding his eyes, "I'll see you round," and with that, she darted round him and was out the door, leaving him standing there. Twice in two days, he noted. One of these days they were going to have a conversation that didn't involve her running off on him.

Her phone buzzed as she hurried along a route that began to feel sickly familiar. This message was from her brother 'OK I will, y u l8? Everything ok?'

'Just stuff has come up, all fine, will tell u later. T xxx' She hated lying to him, but she really would have to tell him later, so she was only twisting the truth sending that.

When she arrived in the hospital, Grace hugged her, and promptly dissolved in her arms. She blinked back her own tears as she comforted Grace, knowing that none of these were good signs.

Before she had the chance to ask, Cara's mom walked up to her, "Oh Teresa sweetheart," she said, her eyes full of tears, "It's back."

Those two words were all it took, and her own tears came to the surface, each one bringing back a different memory of last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. She hugged Grace back, even tighter than before, and any thoughts of Patrick Jane or the card that was still sat in her pocket, were quickly forgotten.

* * *

><p><strong>If you were wondering, this <em>isn't<em> going to be the main storyline, so i hope it doesn't put you off! Because i have no idea whether you guys like Cara/Alex as they're my own creations, clearly. Sorry if any of the cancer info isn't correct, if it is, feel free to blame Hayley (OutCold) for that :P Because she did the research for me and texted me it while i was in france writing this without any internet! **

**To those of you who have this favourited and alerted, i would really appreciate it if you dropped me a line to let me know what you think so far, and if you have any suggestions! And thanks to those of you who are reviewing, i'd love if you continued to do so! **

**Thank you for reading :) **

**Emily xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I was so happy with all your lovely reviews, thank you so much to Tdor, Droupy48, GreenEyedPixie, Aquata, Amri91, music-and-fairytales, couchpotato565, Jaimie255, chymom and BrokenDaisy. This is for Jen (music-and-fairytales) because i promised i'd have updated by the time she woke up... and i'm still good for ten minutes! Enjoyyy :) **

_Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance_

_For a break that would make it okay _

_There's always some reason to feel not good enough _

_And it's hard at the end of the day _

_I need some distraction, oh, beautiful release_

_Memories seep from my veins_

_Let me be empty, oh and weightless and maybe, we'll find some peace tonight._

_~ Angel, Sara McLachlan_

Chapter 4 

The next words out of Grace's mouth were, "Alex is on her way." They were sat in the hospital waiting room. Lisbon had always hated these chairs, they were upright, uncomfortable. They helped along the tension you were likely already feeling. "I'm calling Wayne," said Grace, tears still present in her eyes. She squeezed the girls hand as she got up, and walked down the hall a little.

Lisbon felt an unfair twinge of jealousy, not at the fact she was calling Wayne, god no, just that she had somebody to call. When Cara first got ill, and they were just ten, their parents had all sat them down together to break the news gently. Six years later, and most of those families were now broken apart. Cara had been sick when Lisbon's mom had died. Alex's dad had been deployed, a member of the army he was serving another term in Afghanistan, and he'd first left to fight when Alex was thirteen. Cara's own parents had split when she was in remission the second time, when she was also thirteen. Wayne's dad… well he'd never had a together family. Cho never talks about his, which says it all. The only fully functioning family left was Grace's.

Six years is a long time.

Her own mom had been wonderful whenever Cara got sick, she'd ship her to and from the hospital for visits, she'd take Alex and Grace too, she'd do anything and everything to help. Then by some sick twist of fate she'd ended up in that same hospital, in a coma so deep the doctors said she would never wake up, brain dead, they'd said. And for the second time, at the flick of a switch, her world had fallen apart. Except this time the pain had been constant, because her mom was dead, and Cara was still alive, fighting.

When she was twelve she'd been confused as to why her mom had never had the chance to fight. She'd been convinced that she would have been like Cara, fought hard, and be rewarded with a few wins.

Somebody should let Cho know, she thought. She sent him a text while she was waiting, just so he knew what was going on, the two were good friends, he'd always been there for her and she knew if she spoke to him now she'd crack.

While she was waiting she thought about her brothers, prayed that they were alright and not worrying too much.

Before she could start feeling too guilty, Alex burst through the doors, "Where is she? Somebody tell me what the hell is going on. Ter," she whispered, her voice fearful, "Tell me this isn't happening again."

The tears building up in Lisbon's eyes were a dead giveaway to Alex, she never cried, at least not in front of anyone. Alex started crying, the tears flowed fast and silently.

"We're waiting," Grace said, grasping Alex's hand, "We don't know what's happened, we don't know how bad it is."

Last time Cara came out of remission it wasn't pretty, and she's come in and out an unusually high number of times. Grace had been with her at the time and the others were fairly sure the sight of one of her best friends bleeding and throwing up blood had stayed with her for a very long time. Last time had been bad, she'd come pretty close.

"Where's Sophie?" Sophie was Cara's mom.

"She was here," Lisbon said quietly, "She's probably gone to try and find out what's going on."

"It might not be that bad," Grace said, the ever hopeful voice in the group, though her own voice wavered reflecting the doubt in her mind.

"No," Lisbon said softly, "It might not," she put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"She's in hospital," Alex said through her tears, "Of course it's that bad."

"Alex-"

"Don't Alex me, Teri, last time this happened we were only fourteen, we've all grown up a lot since then, what if she-"

She cut Alex off, "Don't play the what if game, anything could happen then. She's survived relapsing three times, she can do it again."

Alex looked at her, and then sank slowly into a chair, head in her hands. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay, we've all done this before, Teri's right, if she can do it again we sure as hell can." There was a little more fight in Grace than before.

_We said that last time. _Was Teresa's silent thought as she said it. But they could, and they would. She sighed and put her head in her hands, wincing as she remembered the cut on one cheek and the bruise on the other a little too late. The pain was the smallest contributor to the tears that flew down her cheeks.

"If she's relapsed now, that's better than it happening straight after she goes into remission, right?" Alex asked.

Lisbon nodded, "When she relapsed during treatment it was bad, but relapse is harder to treat or something." She shrugged, silently adding, and the more she relapses, the higher the chances of her becoming terminal. Shocked at herself, tears filled her eyes, shut up, she told herself. You don't know what's going on.

"Girls," Sophie's voice echoed down the corridor, "You can come in and see her."

She didn't sound too upset, that had to be a good sign didn't it?

They filed into the room one by one, Cara was sat upright on the bed, and probably a mutual first thought of theirs was – she doesn't look too bad. She seemed to read them just right.

"You guys look like hell," she joked, coughing slightly. Ah, there it was.

"Well you tend to scare us a bit when you do this," Alex joked.

Grace smiled at her and sat down next to the bed, "When she says a bit she means a lot."

"Anyone tell you what was going on?" Cara asked.

They shook their heads, "Your mum said it's back," Teresa said quietly, watching her.

The smile faded from her face a little, "I've relapsed," she said frowning, "But the doctors say it's not as bad as last time."

"You fought it last time, you can fight it again," Grace said encouragingly.

Cara nodded, taking a deep breath. "If they wanna give me chemo you guys better at the very least help me pick out head scarves again." She lightened the mood again.

"We could always do what Cameron Diaz does in My Sister's Keeper, and shave our hair off too," Alex said, grinning wickedly.

Cara laughed, "No," she said, "You can just all chop a bit of hair off and donate it to me for a multicolored wig," They all laughed, "Besides, Cameron Diaz never actually shaved her head for that movie, and it's completely different from the book."

The normality in the chatting comforted all of them a little, though they couldn't shake the familiarity of the setting, though the conversation was very different to what it had been last time, and from last time to the time before. But the place never changed, white washed hospital walls, the bedside table that would soon fill with cards and flowers and gifts if she was here for any length of time.

As usual before any of them new it an hour had passed, and Grace had to go. "I said I'd meet Wayne, he's probably worried," she said, biting her lip at how she'd been on the phone earlier. "And of course him and Cho want to know how you're doing."

The first part of that statement was immediately followed by a whole bunch of teasing statements, "Remind me never to tell you guys when I get a boyfriend," Cara said, laughing.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Grace exclaimed.

"Yeah right," Teresa said, "You mean that it isn't 'official'."

"He hasn't asked me out!"

"Yet," Teri added.

"He will," said Alex.

"Soon," added Cara.

She glared at them, "Bye guys, I'll come see you tomorrow," she said to Cara.

"Let us know how it goes with _Wayne_," Alex called after her, and her and Cara collapsed into giggles.

"I hate you all," she called back.

"Yeah, we love you too," Lisbon yelled after her, smiling. God she didn't know what she'd do without these guys.

"Sorry C but I have to head off too," Alex said, squeezing her hand, "My mom will start to kill me when I walk in the door till I explain where I've been."

Cara smiled at her, "That's cool, I'll see you soon."

"You bet," she said, as she got up to leave.

A comfortable silence settled between them, Lisbon's mind was on her brothers, wondering whether they were okay. She was torn, she didn't want to leave her friend because she was sure that this was weighing her down far more than she was letting on, but she also couldn't leave her brothers for too much longer.

Cara shifted in her bed to face her better, "Are you okay Teri?" concern etched into her face.

Lisbon could have laughed, "This is so the wrong way round," she replied, "I should be asking you that."

"Well I'm not," she smiled sadly, "It's back."

"It'll go again," Lisbon said quickly, too quickly.

They both knew there were no guarantees of that.

"But are you?" Cara asked again.

"I'm fine," she said with a smile, "Just worried about you."

She dismissed it with a wave, "We've all been here before."

"Yet you're always the one who's sick, doesn't really seem fair, does it?"

Cara smiled at her friend, at how much they all worried about each other. "How's my mom taking it?" She asked softly.

"She's upset, but we all are. She'll come round, and she's more together than she was… the first time."

Cara laughed, "Hardly difficult to be better than that."

"Well it's not really going to get easier is it?"

"No," she shook her head. "This is going to be all over school by Monday," Cara sighed.

"Do you think you'll be in?"

She shrugged, "We'll see what the doctors say. I feel like crap, I feel tired, and I'll feel worse when they start the chemo."

"Anything bring it on?" Lisbon asked, wanting an explanation.

Cara shook her head, "You know how it is, I'd been feeling a bit tired, but we all get that. Suddenly I'm bleeding and mom's rushing me to hospital. They did some tests, I texted Grace and told her to get all of you. You know how it is."

She smiled, she did, but she shouldn't – none of them should.

"I'm sorry but I have to go now too," she said, looking at her friend apologetically.

"Don't be sorry, you guys' lives can't just stop; besides I should probably sleep anyway."

She squeezed her hand and go up, "You know I'm here if you need anything."

Cara nodded, "Teri," she said softly, "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked, confused.

"For coming, I know you hate this place."

Their eyes met and she understood, "I don't hate seeing you," she said, smiling softly.

"Bye Ter."

"Bye," she whispered, and then left the room.

She dropped in at the store on the way home; buying some pasta with a little of the money she had earnt today, she was half way through trying to remember what they had left in the cupboards that she could cook it with, when she bumped into Patrick Jane. Again.

"Lisbon," he said cheerfully, and she glared at him.

Now she was convinced that he was following her. "We have to stop meeting like this," sarcasm dripped from the words.

"Maybe if you stopped running away from me we would." He teased.

"Ever think about the possibility that the running is intentional?" She said, teasing a little back though her heart wasn't really in it.

"What's wrong?" He asked, of course, noticing.

"Why do you care?" She shot at him, immediately regretting it. Ouch, he didn't deserve that, not really. "Sorry," she said softly.

He looked at her, like he was trying to solve her, like he was trying to piece together a jigsaw. "Want to walk?"

"Do I have a choice?" She asked.

"You always have a choice," he said.

_Not really_, she thought. "Sure," she replied, "So where did you live before you moved here?" she asked, genuinely curious. Despite all the time they'd spent around each other on Friday, no one had asked him that.

"Around San Francisco," he said, "And then we travelled down, took us about six months," he smiled. "I've not been in school a lot."

"What do you do?" she asked in surprise.

"Oh, help my dad out with stuff," he said, waving a hand.

He was being vague, but she let him. There's nearly always a reason for that. They walked in silence for a minute, before he asked her again. "So what is wrong?"

She looked at him, silently cursing him. Maybe she shouldn't have let him be vague. "How do you know something's wrong?"

"You looked like you'd seen a ghost earlier," he replied, "besides," he waved a hand; "it's all over your face."

She stared at him, a questioning look in her eye, it was her turn to try and put the puzzle pieces together. But they just wouldn't fit. "My friend's sick," she replied, again with the vague.

"I'm sorry," he said, quite sincerely.

There was some more silence. "It's Cara," she said softly, she might as well tell him, like Cara had said the whole school would know by Monday anyway, "she was diagnosed with leukemia at ten but she's not relapsed since we were fourteen. She's relapsed," she told him, surprised and a little proud at the strength that was still in her voice.

He looked a little shocked, well there's a nice change, she thought. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"Don't be," she said, "She hates when everyone feels sorry for her."

**So not much development in this one, but i enjoy the Jisbon bit at the end :P Hope you liked it even if it was a bit sad. Favourite line anyone? Let me know :D Please review, i appreciate every one of them, and am thrilled that you're enjoying it so far :D**

**Thanks for reading! More stuff happens next chap. :) **

**Emily xxx **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I'm sorry i'm kinda in a super hurry so i don't have time to list all your lovely people who took time to review - i figured you'd prefer an update! I'm literally on my way out now so enjoy! **

_You know how the time flies _

_Only yesterday was the time of our lives_

_We were born and raised, in a summer haze_

_Bound by the surprise of our glory days _

_Adele - Someone Like you_

Chapter 5

As it turned out, Jane (as she's taken to calling him) had been heading home too, and insisted on walking her home as it was so close to his. As they got nearer and nearer she got more and more nervous. What if her dad was home? What if he made a scene? She cringed at the thought. But she couldn't shake Jane. She'd just have to get rid of him as quickly as possible once they got there.

"I'd invite you in," she said, lying, the only way he'll ever get an invite in is if I can guarantee that Dad's not home, she thought, "But I have some stuff to do." There it was, vagueness again. It seemed to be a common theme in their relationship so far.

He caught the lie but didn't question her, "Okay," he said, pausing to look at her for a second, "See you Monday."

"See you," she said, fumbling for her keys in her bag to unlock the front door, completely unaware of how much she was giving away. "Bye" she called.

"Bye," he said, and then she closed the door. She took a deep breath, and then another one. Big day. She got her phone out, and choked a little as she saw it was still on her and Grace's text conversation. She quickly went back to the main menu, as if she needed a reminder, and sent Tommy a quick text 'I'm home, you okay to make your own way back? x'

She felt guilty, but she didn't want to walk the twenty minutes to Sam's house, she was exhausted, and everything hurt. But she trusted him to get back, and for all of this places other faults, it wasn't a bad neighbourhood. A half hour walk in the other direction and it was a different story, but they didn't live right in the centre of the city, and despite popular misconception, LA does have some nice areas.

'Yh sure, c u soon x' she smiled, and went on through to the living room, she breathed a sigh of relief to see that he wasn't home.

She sank down onto the couch, and put the plastic bag with pasta next to her. She should start dinner really, she could have cried at the thought. God she was so tired. She heaved herself up again before she got too comfortable, and set to work. Her thoughts were on Cara as she rummaged through the cupboards, tomato sauce and ham would do with the pasta. She lit the hob, at least pasta was quick.

She wondered what they'd treat her with this time, chemo, radiation, bone marrow transplants, blood transfusions. The list was endless, or at least, it felt that way.

The sight of the empty cupboards disheartened her further, one of her best friends was sick and three growing boys and her were eating off a Saturday job wage. Their dad would give them some money, but he drank most it, and it would run out soon anyway. Money only lasts so long. He worked shifts, but that meant weird hours which meant he was always tired or angry, or both. And they rarely saw the money from it, the boys clothes were falling apart for god's sake. And she hated asking him for money – the response always completely depended on the mood he was in.

She heard some voices yelling, Jack's the most distinctive, and within seconds they had burst through the front door. "And then I was like, WHAM," Jack said excitedly.

"Sam totally didn't see it coming," Tommy said.

"Hey Teri!" Jack said, running up to hug his big sister.

"Good time at Sam's?" She asked.

"Yeah!" Benny said enthusiastically, "We played football and Sam's mom gave us ice cream."

"That was nice of her," she smiled down at him, Sam's mom was the only one of any of Tommy's friends who'd let them keep coming over. All the adults in the area had at the very least heard rumours about her dad.

"What's for dinner?" Tommy asked, smelling the cooking in the kitchen.

"Pasta," she replied, heading into the kitchen, and the three of them trailed after.

"How come you were late T?" He asked.

"How bout you three lay the table and then I'll tell you?"

"Sure," he said, picking Benny up under the arms and maneuvering him to the cutlery drawer. She smiled at the sight, they were really good, considering everything they had to deal with. Her mind wandered back to worries, related to Cara and money and her brothers. For the first time since the text she'd received from Grace earlier, she thought about that man at work and the business card she had in her pocket. Maybe she would call. She watched the boys as they set the cutlery on the table in the next room, maybe she could do a bit better for them if she did.

She tipped the pasta into four bowls, and called Tommy to help her carry them through. After just five minutes at the table, all scraps were gone, even on Benny's plate. They must have had an eventful day.

"So," Tommy said as Benny scratched his fork round his plate and Jack confiscated it, "What took you so long?"

She swallowed, she had to tell them. "I've got some bad news," she said gently, her eldest sibling stiffening slightly at the words, "You know Cara?" She could feel the emotion building, she tried to squash it down her throat at his nod, "She's sick again." She waited anxiously for the reaction, she hated upsetting any of them.

"I thought she got better," he said angrily.

"She did, but she's sick again."

"Will she be okay?" Jack asked, his bright green eyes round with concern.

"Ca ca?" Benny said uncertainly, using the pet name he'd had for Cara, well, forever.

"We don't know," she said softly, she'd learnt that honesty was best with them, "But she's got better the other times so we just have to hope." Benny looked upset, "It's okay," she said, gesturing for him to come over, and sit on her lap. "She's got better lots of times before," she put her arms around him.

She put Benny and Jack to bed, and Tommy had shut himself up in his room with a book. Finally she sat down in her bedroom, a picture on her wall of her with Grace, Car and Alex caught her eye. She took a short breath in. She'd be okay, she had to be. She started to get undressed and into her pajamas, it was only 8:30, but she was exhausted. Unfortunately, she'd forgotten about her bruises. She caught sight of them as she pulled her t shit off, now used to the constant tenderness. Her stomach was no longer pale white, but instead tainted by deep purple bruising that spread from around her belly button up to her left ribcage. She wanted to throw up. But she didn't instead she threw on her pajama shirt, and tried her hardest to forget about it. As she took her jeans off she remembered the card in her pocket, and took it out. She stared at it for a minute, feeling a sudden urge to call. She was a little torn, until she remembered the violent bruising on her stomach, and the measly thirty five dollars she had left in her possession. She thought of her brothers.

She picked up the phone.

It rang five times, she counted. "Hello," said a deep male voice, she couldn't tell if it was him yet, though it easily could have been.

Suddenly she felt stupid, what if this guy had no idea who she was? She cleared her throat quietly, "Um, this is Teresa Lisbon."

"I'm sorry," he started, and her heart sank, "I don't think I know a Lis- oh wait, Teresa, from the coffee shop?"

Relief that she wouldn't look like a complete idiot filled her, "Yeah," she said, unsure of what to say next.

"Ah of course, I remember now. Sorry about that, we just hadn't gone through last names is all. I take it you're calling about that job opportunity?"

"Yes," she said, taking a deep breath, "Yeah I am."

He was vague about the nature of this supposed work, but gave her an address and a date and time, for what he called a 'meeting'. He said they'd discuss things then, though she'd been shocked when she realized the date was this coming Monday. She jotted down the address and his name, and then hung up.

She lay back on her bed, almost melting into the sheets. She stared at the ceiling for a minute, scraps of the paint flaked off in certain areas because of the glow in the dark stars she'd had stuck there when she was little. Her mom had got them for her because she'd refused a nightlight even though she had been scared of the dark, "It's not a nightlight," her mom had insisted, "They're just pretty, I got some for me too." And sure enough, she'd stuck them in her room for as long as her daughter had kept hers. Those little stars had provided more comfort to her than she'd ever admitted to her mom, but Teresa realized now that she'd known, of course she had, she was her mother.

She found herself thinking about Patrick Jane, and how she'd just opened up to him without too much of a fight. It was unusual for her to be open even before her mom died, after she just stopped completely. Alex always complained that it was a nightmare to get anything out of her, as a result she knew a lot of her friends secrets, and to (some) of theirs annoyance, they didn't know many of hers. Though now she supposed, it was more important to keep them to herself than ever.

They'd all been there for her when her mum died, they'd been wonderful, and she knew she couldn't have asked for better friends. Just like they always were – they were her constant now, the ones who were always there. After her mom died, her whole world had fallen apart. Her dad, or who used to be her dad, had vanished – he was gone. As soon as they flicked the switch on the machine that had been keeping her mom alive, they flicked the switch on him too.

She shrugged the thought off, she'd been living with that for four years now. But in the ten she'd known Grace, Cara, Cho and Wayne and the eight she'd known Alex, they had always been there.

Yet again she thought about Jane, and almost laughed at how easily the girls name came for him now. He didn't seem like the others. He'd listened; he hadn't interrupted or asked questions, he'd just listened. And it felt… nice.

She looked round at a photo of the group she had on her bedside table, it was old now, probably about a year ago, it was all of them on the last day of school before summer. Wayne had his arm around Grace, and was looking besotted, as usual, it was a normal facial expression for him when he was around her. Cara was next to Grace, talking to Cho, and she was next to him, with Alex on her other side, laughing at something or other. They hadn't been aware that the photo was being taken, Immy had taken it. But she loved it, it was one of her favourite photos of all of them.

The situation had been the same last year, with home. Her mom had died four years ago, her dad had been hitting them for three. The first year he was too constantly drunk to do anything. At the tender age of twelve she hadn't understood why this was all happening to her, she'd thought, like the naïve girl she'd been, that things would get better. Sometimes you have to learn things the hard way, she thought. Then again, was there an easy way to learn to live a life like this?

**It would be lovely to come home tomorrow to lots of reviews! **

**Thanks for reading and much love to those who do review! **

**Emily xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys, just so you know, i went back to school last week, so from now on updates will be slower. I'm still hoping i'll be able to churn them out around once a week, and i hope to stay at least a little consistent, but having just started my A levels unfortunately school work is more important than ever, so i'm afraid i can't promise anything other than to try my best! Hugeee thank you to TeresaLisbonCBI, BrokenDaisy, Kate, chymom, GreenEyedPixie, MJ2387, music-and-fairytales, OutCold, Droupy48, Mentalgal, wity and Wisher93 for your wonderful reviews. I really can't thank you enough. :)**

**This one's for BrokenDaisy because we've had fun chatting, and because of all her kind words about this fic! If you're a fan of AU you should check out her fic 'Carnie Life', it's brilliant!**

**And RIP to everyone that died ten years ago today, we will never forget you, or your bravery that day.**

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, _

_Or the moment of truth in your lies,_

_When everything feels like the movies, _

_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

_Iris - Googoo Dolls_

Chapter 6

The rest of the weekend passed without much happening, she took some books and DVDs and things to Cara, who was being made to stay in hospital for the next few days while they decided on treatment. She was waiting for the text that would confirm what form of treatment she was getting, though at the moment chemo was the most probable. Her dad hadn't been home much, and when he was all that had happened was he'd taken a swing at her before he went out again. She didn't really feel the pain so much anymore. She found a certain guy had been invading her thoughts regularly, but she pushed those thoughts aside.

Monday morning rolled around, though it felt like forever since she had last walked through the school gates. Sure enough news of Cara's hospitalization had spread across the school like wild fire, and by lunch time Alex was sick of the sympathetic looks they were getting. "She's not dead," she said furiously, "But you'd think it from all the freaking looks we've been getting today, somebody even told me 'I'm sorry about your friend' I mean, for gods sake, she could be back part time by Friday for all we know."

"They're just trying to be nice," Grace said calmly.

"Well screw them," Alex muttered under her breath.

They were sat at a lunch table with, unsurprisingly, Patrick Jane, who seemed to have been quite easily accepted as member of their group, Cho and Wayne. Every so often someone's eyes would flicker towards the empty seat next to Grace, and a pang of worry and sadness would course through them.

"How many times has she relapsed?" Jane asked.

"This is number four," Grace said, and a glance round the table told him that they could all reel off the date, how old they'd been, and probably the day of the week of times one, two and three.

"In six years? That's unusually high for a leukemia patient."

"How do you know it's been six years?" Cho asked, Teresa groaned inwardly, he didn't miss anything.

"Oh, Lisbon told me on Saturday, we bumped into each other after she'd left the hospital."

"Oh she _did_?" Alex asked, her face bright with curiosity.

"Lisbon, why do you call Teri that?" Wayne asked, confused.

"To annoy me," the girl herself said sharply.

She looked over at Alex, whose eyes were twinkling. "Kill me now," she murmured to herself.

"Sorry what was that Ter? Didn't _quite _catch it." Alex said grinning.

She glared at her friend, a look that clearly said shut up. It amazed her sometimes, how even though the group was unusually subdued because of Cara's absence, Alex still managed to find a way to tease her. And she was certain that Cara would be finding out about this soon enough.

"Anyway, back to Patrick's question," Grace cast an amused eye over her friends, while Cho remained impassive, and well, Wayne just looked confused, "Yes it is unusually high-"

"How did you know that?" Teresa interrupted.

"A friend of mines younger brother had leukemia," he said, "he only relapsed twice."

He hadn't mentioned that on Saturday. "What happened to him?" Grace asked, and suddenly the whole table was listening.

He looked around, unwilling to say the words that would inevitably dampen their spirits even more. But he caught Teresa's eye, and he knew he didn't want to lie to her, or any of them really. "He died," he said quietly. "But he was much younger and weaker, didn't respond well to treatment." He shook his head slightly.

They were all quiet for a minute.

Grace cleared her throat, "So who's visiting her after school?"

The hospital was supposed to have set visiting hours, but it all depended on the nurses who were on shift. The majority of them knew the girls and Cara – she'd been a bit of a regular for the last six years, and would often turn a blind eye to them staying a little longer than they probably should.

"I'm going," Alex said, "I promised I'd update her on all the idiots at school."

"Me too," said Cho, "I haven't seen her yet."

"Can't do tonight," Teresa said, feeling a twinge of guilt, "But I've promised tomorrow." She had that meeting later, she didn't mention it, but could feel Jane's eyes on her.

"Hey Ter," Grace said, putting her hand on her face and turning it to her to have a better look. "What happened to your face?"

She swatted away Grace's hand, "Oh nothing, Jack, it was an accident – you know how they are with the football."

She caught Jane's eye and immediately looked away, scared he would tell she was lying. Though she had a feeling that it was a little late for that.

"Looks painful," Grace frowned, "Have you put something on it?"

"It's fine," she said, hating every second of the fuss Grace was making. "I have to go," she said quickly gathering her things, mumbling something about biology.

"What's up with her?" Alex asked Grace.

Grace shrugged, "No idea."

"Maybe she's upset about Cara," Wayne suggested.

Cho shook his head, "No, that's not it."

"Well she is," Grace said, "But I agree with Cho."

"Well it beats me," Alex said, "And unless we can figure it out, we're not going to get anything out of her."

"Why not?" Jane asked, fairly sure he knew the answer.

Alex laughed a little, "Teri never parts with information willingly, if something's up you figure it out, because you sure as hell won't get it out of her."

Yep, he'd known. "Why's that?"

Grace shrugged, so did Alex. "Shit happens," Alex said matter of factly, "Cara got cancer, my dad's in Afghanistan, Teri's mom died-"

"Alex," Grace said, a hint of warning in her tone.

"What?" She exclaimed, "He'd find out eventually from all the twats around h-"

"That's personal stuff," Cho interrupted.

"Do not mention that to her man," Wayne said to Jane.

"She doesn't talk about her mum," Grace said quietly, in a way of an explanation.

"You mean _we_ don't talk about her, or the accident" Alex said, "Just because Teri never mentions her doesn't mean Jenny never existed-"

"Alex," Grace said quietly, putting her hand on her arm.

"No," she said, her voice thick with emotion now, "Just because this stuff happens doesn't mean we shouldn't ever talk about it."

"I know, but you know how she gets." Grace said soothingly.

"Cara's the best at getting things out of her," Cho said to Jane.

"So are you," Alex shot at him, "You just don't repeat it," she said, but her tone wasn't accusatory, not really.

Cho didn't say anything else. "Let's not argue," Grace said softly, "Everyone's stressed, and whatever's up with Ter," she glanced at Alex, "Chances are we'll find out eventually, this stuff always comes out."

Quietly Jane was thinking that he wasn't so sure.

"Fine," Alex said, "And if _you_" she pointed at Jane, "Cause her _any_ pain because of the information I just parted with, there will be hell to pay."

He held his hands up, "I don't intend to."

"You better not," she mumbled.

"It's probably just best not to say anything," Grace says, "If she trusts you enough she'll tell you in her own time."

"I wasn't going to say anything," he said.

"Don't push her to tell you," Wayne advised him.

"Don't expect a lot fast," Alex said.

"Don't be surprised if she then acts as though she never mentioned it," Cho added.

"Never bring her up in conversation afterwards unless she mentions it first." Grace finished.

"That complicated, huh?" Jane said.

Alex smirked, "This is Teri we're talking about, get used to it."

Teresa Lisbon was stood in the girls bathroom, studying her reflection in the mirror. Bags under the eyes, normal. Hair tousled, hanging several inches below her shoulders. Bruised face, bruised stomach, now faintly bruised neck. Tears welled in her eyes, god how she hated this. She hated lying to her friends, she hated the ugly marks tainting her skin, reminders of how no one would ever want someone this damaged. She hated welling up every damn time she even thought about her situation. You'd think she'd be used to it, her situation, the lying, the cover ups, the bruises, after four years of it. Grace noticing her face had caught her out, luckily the bruises on her neck were barely visible now, thank god. But her stomach was still a dark purple colour. She shuddered to think about what they'd say if they saw it right now, but she'd hidden it for this long, she keep doing it.

The look Jane had given her had chilled her, he'd seen through her lie, she knew it. But he couldn't prove it. She took a few deep breaths, steadying herself. It would be fine, no one knew, and no one was going to find out. She found herself staring at the faint white lines on her arms, a secret she hadn't quite managed to contain. Cho had caught her cutting herself, she'd never seen him so upset. She'd begged and begged him in tears not to tell any of the others, and promised she would stop. She had, at least, on and off. "It's not what you're doing Ter, it's why," he'd told her, apparently the cutting wasn't the mystery, but the why was. A year of him being suspicious if she wore long sleeved tops, and subtly sweeping her from head to toe for cuts had not been fun. Even now she would occasionally catch him staring at the faint white scars, that you wouldn't ever notice unless you knew they were there. But her begging had had the desired effect, because as far as she was aware, he'd never breathed a word of it to the others, and that was something she would be eternally grateful for.

At the end of the school day, she flew out of the place. She told Alex to say hi to Cara for her, and she was out of there – successfully avoiding Patrick Jane. She picked up her brothers, and told them to go on home, Tommy looked shattered, and if they were quiet and quick they could hide in their rooms. Their father bothered the boys less, though she wasn't happy about leaving them.

She crossed the road, and walked about fifty feet down the road to the bus stop, and waited.

She didn't have to wait long, the bus pulled up after just two minutes. She could feel the butterflies starting to build up in the pit of her stomach. She had no idea what she was getting into really – what if he changed his mind about offering her a job? What if he'd forgotten about their appointment? She forced herself to stop. She leant against the window the rest of the twenty minute bus journey that took her into town, her thoughts racing and jumping from subject to subject, this meeting, Cara, her brothers, Jane, Grace's comment earlier.

The bus stopped, and she got off. She swallowed nervously; the journey had almost been a security blanket – it was real now. She walked to the address she'd been given, following the street names. The place was a short walk away from the bus stop. She walked in what looked like a reception, wondering what this place even was, a hotel maybe, a club, a restaurant? She walked up to the receptionist, a pretty blonde girl who'd been eyeing her up with curiosity. She suddenly felt very under dressed. "I'm here to see Mr. Keats" She said, and for a second a fleeting look of understanding crossed the blondes face.

"You have an appointment?" She asked, her long pink fingernails tapping on the keyboard in front of her.

"Yeah," she said.

"Along that corridor," she pointed to one on her right, "And it's the second door down, has his name on the door, you won't miss it." She smiled.

"Thanks," she replied, walking down, the piece of paper that held the address still tightly clutched in her hand.

**Just so you know, Iris, best song in the world. Any But Why readers may recognise it from that. :P I thought it was fitting for this chapter, and will probably use different lyrics for later chapters. **

**So! Last chance to guess what Mr. Keats is up too because you'll find out next chapter. Any ideas? And got a favourite line? **

**If so, or if you just liked it, give the review button some love and make my Monday morning a little brighter. :P **

**Thanks for reading, love y'all! And sorry for the weirdly long A/Ns. :) **

**Emily xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Sorry for the slightly long wait, but people didn't seem to like the last chapter all that much! Thanks to those of you who did review, many thanks to the wonderfulll BrokenDaisy, Droupy48, MJ2387, OutCold, music-and-fairytales, greentoothbrush, wisher93 and the particularly lovely Mentalgal for her kind words. :) This chapters for Jen (music-and-fairytales) for a number of reasons. Firstly because she'll get to actually find out what Keat's is doing this chapter (finally!), secondly because yes, i called Lisbon's mum Jenny after you ;) and thirdly, because of the lyrics for this chapter. :) Hope you enjoy!**

_Made a wrong turn, once or twice,_

_Dug my way out, blood and fire,_

_Bad decisions, that's alright, _

_Welcome to my silly life. _

_- Perfect, Pink_

Chapter 7

She walked out of Mr. Keats office half an hour later, and she thought she was still numb from the shock. She flashed back to the part of the conversation when it dawned on her.

"_We have several girls, we look after them, of course."_

"_What exactly is it I'd be doing?" She asked, confused. _

"_Well, when I picked you up I thought you could do some dancing, we pay extremely well." _

"_Dancing? I'm not, I mean, I wouldn't be any good at that." _

"_Oh a few lessons and you'd be just fine," he'd smiled, looking her up and down, "It doesn't take that much skill." _

It was then that it had hit her. She still felt a little queasy.

"_If it helps you could talk to some of my pole girls, a typical night is from about 9 til 1, and for that you'd get, oh, 350 dollars. Plus tips, of course." He'd smiled, "And I don't think you'd struggle there." _

The money, oh god it was tempting. But then there was the fear, the moral objections, the shock that they were the kind of people who picked up sixteen year old girls…

"_I've seen you around, three brothers am I right? And I see that bruise on your cheek – nicely covered. This job could make your life a lot easier Teresa." _

It scared her, terrified her that he knew that much. He knew about her brothers, he guessed about the beatings. He knew more about her personal life that any of her best friends did.

"_Oh well, if you're sure the answer is no… such a shame, of course you must keep quiet about these things, it's a little naughty of us, I'm sure we understand each other. Do give me a call if you change your mind, I'm sure the spot would still be open." _

She'd left, her mind spinning. She was fighting with herself, just, the money… she could buy her brothers new clothes, they could eat properly, Benny, he was so little.

She stopped herself, she felt sick for even considering. It was illegal for god's sake, though she wouldn't be telling anyone any time soon – she had a feeling that wouldn't go down too well, and that thought scared her. Her phone buzzed interrupting her thoughts, and her heart jumped. Who was it? Tommy, were her brothers okay? Was it Cara?

It turned out to be the latter, the message was from Cara. "They're doing chemo. I start on Wednesday. Love you all, C xxxx"

She closed her eyes. There Cara is, fighting cancer, round billion, or at least that was what it felt like, and she's stood there having a moral argument with herself about whether or not to take an exotic dancers job.

She typed back a message, "You OK? I'll be by tomorrow we can talk then. Love you lots xxxx"

What would she say if she knew where she was? What she'd been doing?

But then again, what would she say if she knew what had been happening for the past three years?

As she got off the bus at her end, she found herself wandering to the park just down their street. It was almost half past five, and surprisingly, quite deserted. She sat on the swing, running her hands up and down the cool metal chain. She thought about how many childhood summers had been spent here, with her brothers and her friends and their siblings. Memories full of laughter and smiles.

She looked down at her feet, struggling to keep the emotions that had been building since she left his office at bay. Eventually, defeated, she gave up. She cried and cried until her eyes were dry and there were no tears left. The tears were silent, trailing down her cheeks in a steady flow as she wondered for what felt like the millionth time, how did I get here?

The next two weeks passed in a blur, between school, hospital visits and her brothers there was little else on her mind. There was a constant niggling though, every time they sat down for yet another small bowl of pasta, every time she had to clear up one of her father's messes. Every time he hit her. Should she have turned down that offer? Every so often his voice would ring in her head, "…_give me a call if you change your mind, I'm sure the spot would still be open." _

But whenever she thought about it, something that needed her immediate attention would come up, that she would have to deal with there and then. She knew that keeping busy was for the best, but she was so tired nowadays she'd sometimes get home from school, sleep till she had to make dinner, and then go to bed again. Something her dad didn't like.

Jane had become a definite figure in the group, even the guys trusted him now, though she thought Cho had his reservations, but he had reservations with everybody. He'd even been to visit Cara, who was responding well to the chemo according to the doctors. _"I'm not convinced_," she'd told Teresa one afternoon, _"I always feel my worse when they tell me I'm doing well, I mean, what's up with that shit?"_

She'd laughed a little and agreed that it was absurd.

She'd been splitting her time between hospital visits and her brothers, and whatever time was left curiously seemed to be taken up by Jane.

They were walking home together one afternoon, he'd met her brothers now, and he asked about the group.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Oh just somebody made a funny comment to me about managing to get in with you guys."

She sighed, "We've all known each other since we were six, except Alex who we met at eight. We've all been friends for that long." She swallowed, "When Cara got cancer, we were ten, and the thought just hadn't even crossed our minds that one of us might not be there one day. She was in and out of hospital a lot that year, when she was there, so were we." She shrugged, "She got better, we stayed close. She relapsed two years later, and so we practically lived in that hospital again. She was sick when – I mean," she was stumbling over her words, she took a breath. "When we were twelve my mum was in a car accident," she said, willing tears not to appear, not in front of him. "She died a day later. Cara was sick then, and she was still there for me every second. They all were." She took another breath to steady her voice, "We're family, because we're there for each other even when we don't always want us to be, and we're pretty tight." She said, in a very confusing way of explanation.

"I'm sorry about your mom," he said softly, looking at her, and yet again she couldn't breathe.

"You already knew," she said, studying his features, "Don't deny it," she said, there was almost humour in her tone when he opened his mouth to try and defend himself, "I bet it was Alex, wasn't it?"

He nodded, "But you mustn't be mad at her, because I was under strict instructions to not hurt you in any way with that information." He smiled at her.

She smiled just a little back, "Sounds like Alex."

He touched her arm with his hand that was closest to her, "I really am sorry about your mom though," he said, looking her in the eye.

"I know," she said, looking at the floor. "But that was a long time ago," she shrugged.

He didn't bring it up again, which she was thankful for. They arrived at her house way too soon, she was thankful that her dads new working hours meant he wasn't home till after six.

They stood there awkwardly as Tommy took the key off her and the boys raced inside, dumping their school bags.

"See you tomorrow?" She said, not sure what to do.

"See you then," he said, a hint of disappointment in his tone.

She just started to turn away when he caught her hand, and surprised her with a hug. The way his hands quite innocently rested on her back gave her tingles all down her spine, and she almost shivered. He smelled nice, almost a musky sweet kind of smell that she couldn't quite place or describe. Something that felt a little like comfort warmed her as her body pressed against his, and she exhaled softly, allowing the feeling to overtake her for just a second. The whole thing ended far too soon and she back away like she'd been given an electric shock.

"Bye," she said, a little too breathlessly.

"Bye," he said, seeming equally stunned.

As soon as she shut the door, she didn't even get a moment to be speechless and let her heart rate return to normal before she was attacked by choruses of "You hugged Patrick," in gleeful tones, and "You liiike him, you wanna ki-"

"Shut up you lot," she said to Tommy and Jack who had been doing the attacking, but her sharp reaction didn't stop a blush spreading across her cheeks "Jeez you're worse than Alex!"

"You're blushing," Jack said gleefully, and she glared at him before pouncing, tickling him til he gasped for mercy.

She sat on the floor laughing with him, and before they knew it they were laughing so much they were crying, and Tommy and Benny had joined in. Gasping for air she stood up and lifted him to his feet, it was good to laugh with them – they hadn't all together for so long.

She leaned down to pick up a piece of paper that had managed to fall out of Jack's pocket during the tickling attack, it was all crumpled into a ball and she started to open it up. The boys stopped laughing.

"What's this?" She asked with a frown.

"It's nothing," Jack said quickly, snatching it away from her.

"Don't snatch," she said, "and what is it, it has to be something," she went to take it back but he put it out of her reach.

"It's nothing," Jack repeated.

"Jack," Tommy said, "Maybe you sho-"

"You promised you wouldn't say!" he yelled, "You agreed not to."

"Tommy you know about this? Come on guys it's just a piece of paper," she said, grabbing it while Jack wasn't watching.

She uncrumpled it and they watched as she read, "Oh, Jack," she said, looking at him in dismay. The boy looked down at his feet.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" she asked, indicating the piece of paper, "This is amazing – hand picked it says," she looked at him her eyes full of concern and sadness, and guilt.

"Because I knew you'd look like that," Jack said, folding his arms. "Now she's sad," he said to Tommy his tone accusing.

"I'm not sad," she lied, "Why didn't you tell me?" The piece of paper that had been so crumpled was a letter for a trip, Jack had apparently been handpicked by some soccer coach to go on this three day residential where the boys would be taught by what was apparently a very famous player, and would learn new skills, as well as playing other team games. Jack loved sports. "You _love_ soccer."

"We can't afford it," Tommy said, "We're not stupid you know, he can see that."

"I know you're not stupid," she said immediately, and she glanced at the price. It was $350. "We could have asked dad," she said, grasping at straws, "I have a job we could have saved."

"And then how would we eat?" Tommy demanded, "And you can't ask dad, you're his punch bag already," tears shined in his eyes.

"Tommy," she whispered, tears filling her own eyes.

"And now you're sad," Jack said, upset.

"I'm not sad, I just wish you'd told me." She said.

"I told you to throw it away like the others," Tommy said.

"I was going to! And you are sad, and it's all my fault." Jack yelled, running upstairs.

"Jack-"

"Let him go," Tommy said, "He'll calm down."

"What did you mean when you said others?" She said, picking up Benny and rubbing a soothing hand on his back – he'd started to cry.

"It's nothing Ter."

"Don't you Ter me, what others?"

He hung his head, "Just other letters about trips and stuff, that sort of thing."

She blinked back tears, they were hiding things from her now, so _she_ wasn't sad, so _she_ had less to worry about. She wanted to cry. She'd never meant to put any of this on them, to make them feel like they had to hide that sort of thing from her to make her life easier.

"It's okay," she said softly to Benny, who had stopped crying.

"You arguing." He said, frowning.

"No we're not, see, no more arguing." She said.

She put him down and he went off into the living room, jumping up onto the couch and curling up.

"I'm sorry," she said to Tommy.

"Why?" he asked, "None of this is your fault." And then he was gone too, she watched as he followed Benny into the living room and sat beside him, trying to cheer him up by pulling stupid faces.

After a quick chat with Jack, she headed back into her room and picked up her phone. She got the card out of the math textbook she'd hidden it in, and it took her less than a second to decide. She dialed.

"Mr. Keats, this is Teresa," she took a deep breath, "I've changed my mind."

**DUN DUN DUUUUN. Sorry. :P Thoughts would be greatly appreciated. :) Is it what you expected? I know some of you had your suspicions. :P (to put it lightly) **

**Please review, it'll make my day!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Emily xxxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Okay firstly i'm so sorry for not replying to reviews individually. I have crazy amounts of work, i've been ill for about a week and my school was set on fire on Friday (which has been highly distressing for everyone). So it's safe to say that i've had a bit of a crazy week. So huge thanks to: BrokenDaisy, MJ2387, J.L (who asked where i was and reminded me i should post this, so thanks!), music-and-fairytales, wisher93, OutCold, Belle-irina, emma, anon and liev-13 for your lovely reviews! Please please please keep them coming, they're the only reason i post. I really appreciate all your feedback, so just take a moment to drop me a line and i will be ever grateful. :) **

_Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life,_  
><em>Can't get no love without sacrifice,<em>  
><em>If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well<em>  
><em>A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell.<em>

_Happy Ending - Mika_

Chapter 8 

It was 7:15 exactly a week after she'd made the call, and she was what she supposed was now 'work', not to actually work for the night but to have what Mr. Keats had called an introduction. She'd thrown up as she'd got off the bus, she put it down to nerves.

"Please, call me Sam," he said, as he took her down one of many carpeted corridors and through a door. "This is the dressing room, Kel will take you from here."

Kel was a pretty red head who Teresa put at no more than eighteen, she was dressed in jeans and a red strappy top at the moment, but judging by the scraps of clothing they were walking past… this was one large dressing room. "You a newbie huh?"

She nodded, unconsciously biting her lip out of nervousness.

"I know you're nervous," she said, glancing at her, "Cause I remember my first time here, but try relax, Sam's a bastard but the other girls are great," she smiled. "Everyone's got a reason for being here." She added, looking her up and down.

"Liz, we've got a new one." She said to a slightly older woman, she had long brown curls and was also very pretty. Though she clearly wasn't as young as Kel and her.

"Okay honey," she smiled at her, "Strip off."

"What?" She asked.

"Just to your underwear, need to measure you, see what we're gonna put you in."

Teresa could feel the panic starting to rise, her heart beating faster and faster. She froze when she remembered the marks she had on her.

"It's okay honey, I don't bite."

She smiled weakly at the woman, and, feeling more self conscious than she had in her whole life, began to remove her top, followed by her jeans. She could feel their eyes on her bruised stomach, _I want to die,_ she thought, _I want to just melt away and die. _

Apparently her distress was being expressed on her face too, "Don't worry about it sweetie," Liz said with a sympathetic look on her face, "We'll find you something that covers those."

"Guess I don't have to ask your story," Kel said, "But don't worry, it ain't exactly a rarity around here," she said, nodding at the bruises, understanding present in her eyes.

As someone who had never told anyone about this, to be talking to two complete strangers about it… she couldn't even comprehend it really. She thought the shame was going to swallow her whole.

"Been working here ten years and half of the girls that come through here have marks like that, it's nothing to be ashamed of," she laughed at the look of shock on Teresa's face, "I'm twenty six," she said, "Started the same age as you, I was flat broke."

"Yet you're still here," said Kel, Teresa wondered where she was from, she had a slight accent but she couldn't place it.

"Ah I can't leave Sam, you know that, no matter how much of a bastard he is," She was measuring her thighs now, jotting down each measurement on a scrap of paper.

"Yeah well I'm getting out as soon as I can find a decent job," Kel said.

"That's what I said," Liz said.

"That's different," Kel argued, "You're Sam's," she waved a hand, "Whatever. You sure is quiet," she said to Teresa.

"Ah you know how it is Kel, leave the poor girl alone. You're just kids, all of you."

"That don't stop Sam," Kel said.

"It's how he finds you, got an eye for finding those who need something like this, need the money. Where'd he pick you up?" Liz asked Teresa.

She struggled for a second to find her voice again, "My old job," she said quietly, "At a coffee place," she nearly laughed.

"You're young, you're pretty, you're damaged," she said, "You tick all the boxes, just like I did," she said, a hint of bitterness in her tone.

"So what's your story?" Teresa asked, interested, she didn't think that the girl would take offence to her asking.

"Pregnant at fourteen by my psycho ex, I didn't want to get rid of it," she said a small smile on her face, "Daddy didn't like that, kicked me out. Stayed with psycho ex for a year but he hit me," she said, her eyes gracing the other girls stomach once again, the understanding that had been present in her eyes earlier explained now, "So I left, I'd just turned sixteen when Sam found me, and me an' Gracie, that's my little girl, live here now."

"Here?" She asked.

"Yeah Sam gives me one of the rooms on a more permanent basis, for a reduced rate provided I still work. But I'm saving, I'm gonna get me and Gracie out of here one day."

"Cute name," Teresa said, with a small smile.

"Thanks," Kel said beaming, "She just turned four," she said, her eyes suddenly shining and happy, as she dug a photo out of her pocket, "This is a few months ago," she said.

The little girl in the photo was smiling happily, she had tufts of red hair like her mom's and the same blue eyes. "She's gorgeous," Teresa said, truthfully.

"I know," Kel said happily, smiling at her. "The good thing about this job is that it's evenings, she's in bed while I work then I get to spend the day with her."

"You leave her in the room?" Teresa asked, genuinely curious, having her own concerns about leaving Benny at night.

"Yeah," she sighed, "I check on her in between performances when I can," she said, "But it's tough you know," she shrugged, "But there's not much I can do about that."

Teresa and Liz nodded in agreement. "So who beats the crap outta you?" Kel asked.

She found herself not particularly reluctant to reply, neither of them were going to judge, or at least, that was the impression she got. She swallowed, "My dad," she said quietly, looking at the floor. "My mom died when I was twelve, and he's been a drunk ever since." She said, explaining, "My brothers… Benny's only five, we need to eat," she said.

"You can't tell anyone because then social services'll cart you off," Liz said, "Been through that one."

"How old are your brothers?" Kel asked.

"Five, nine and eleven," she said.

"That's rough," said Kel. "Well the money from this'll help, even if you hate every second."

"Do you?" She asked.

"The men are perverts, they wouldn't be here watching young girls if they weren't," she shrugged, "You let 'em touch you and you get extra tips but you feel filthy," she said. "But like I said, everyone's got a reason for being here."

Liz watched them sadly, "You girls work for your money and then you try get out, don't do what I did."

"It's not hard to get out, is it?" Teresa asked fearfully.

"Yes and no," Liz said, "Me and Sam… it's complicated, but I've seen tons of girls come and go. Some got out, some just got themselves in deeper." She looked at Kel who looked away, almost as though she was ashamed of something.

"My advice to you, don't argue with Sam. Do whatever he tells you or you'll get in trouble, and don't over think what you're doing. Most of us do this because we have to not because we want to, none of the girls are in a position to judge." Kel said. "That doesn't stop some of them though," she added.

"So what happens now?" She asked them.

"I'm here because Sam wants me to show you the ropes," Kel said, "after Liz gets you all done up he'll have a look at you, decide what nights you'll do, where you'll go, blah blah blah," she rolled her eyes, "Then I'll give you a couple of lessons."

"Let's see," Liz said, looking through what must have been thirty outfits hung up on a rail, "Hey Kel, you can have one too, you're up tonight right?"

"Sure," she said, grabbing the tiny black hot pants and top she'd been given, and began to change.

"I think we'll put you in this, see what Sam says," she held a small red one piece, that under any other situation she wouldn't be caught dead in. It was more like a swimsuit than an outfit, it had an open back and semicircles cut out of the middle area, but it would mean her bruises were covered.

"I'll do you up before you put it on," she said, grabbing the makeup and hair stuff. "Don't expect this all the time, I do you up the first few times and then you do it yourself, depending on what look you've been told to go for. And honey give me some of your first wage, and I'll buy you some underwear on my next shop, you're gonna need some stuff a little tinier and more see through than that," she informed her.

She swallowed and nodded, sitting down for her makeup to be done.

By the time Liz was done, she didn't even look like her. Her eyes were all black and smoky and looked a lot bigger than usual, her lips a crimson red – to match her outfit - that she would have never worn if it had been down to choice. Her hair was still fairly natural, a few added curls and then a lot of Liz messing it up, followed by hairspray.

She squeezed herself into the red… material, and Kel handed her some black heels. "Can you walk in these?" She asked.

She nodded, Grace had insisted they wear heels to the last school dance she'd been dragged too… it had taken some practice and her nearly breaking her ankle, but apparently it was about to become a useful life skill.

"What size?" Kel asked as she rummaged through the box.

"Four," she said and the girl laughed.

"You have small feet," she said, handing her a pair that were the right size and she slipped them on.

"You look hot," Kel said, impressed, as she stood there.

"I look nothing like me," she said, peering at herself in the mirror.

"That's the point isn't it?" Kel asked, "Besides, it kinda helps you know? When the person in the mirror don't look like you."

She heard a knock on the door and jumped, afraid of who it was, scared of embarrassment. Then she reminded herself how many men would be seeing her like this. "Is it safe?" It was Sam's voice, joking.

"Come on through, I was just about to call you, we're done." Liz said, and the door opened.

He walked down to them slowly, and looked her up and down nodding. "Nice work Liz," He walked around her, still nodding. "What's with the cover up?" He asked, "You've got a great figure, might as well flaunt it," he said to Lisbon.

She briefly wondered how this wasn't her flaunting it enough.

"Bruises," Liz said quickly, answering for her.

He nodded, "Okay fine, don't worry, used to that," he said to Teresa, in what she supposed he thought to be a reassuring tone.

"Great, great work." He said, his eyes still roaming over her hungrily, she felt a little nauseous. "Okay," he said, "Kel go show her the ropes, can you do tomorrow for some more practice? Naturally I can't pay you til you do a proper night, with the amount we pay you can understand."

She nodded, and before she could ask, he said, "Same time again, you don't mind do you baby?" He asked Kel.

"No," she said quickly, avoiding his eye.

"Give me a second to do my make up," she said to Teresa, "It's manic in here in an about an hours time."

She sat for a second, and Sam left, taking one last 'appreciative' look at her. She still felt a little sick. She was a little surprised by how nice the girls been to her so far – she'd expected brutal treatment, but she hadn't thought about it the way Kel had put it. She supposed everyone did have a reason to be here, a story behind it. And she doubted that they were any more pleasant than her reasons. That didn't change how she felt right now though, more open and exposed to the world than she'd ever been. She was scared by the length of time the other two girls had been here, and made a promise to herself, once she saved enough money, she would be out of here, before her brothers, her friends, Patrick Jane, or anyone else ever found out about it. The problem was, she had no idea how long that would be.

**I know, more OCs but i promise they're not major ones. Though i do like Kel. And you have some interesting J/L scenes next chapter, because i'm aware i'm kinda starving you at the moment. Working on the major those two chapter i decided to add in at the moment, so if you guys review i might just make it that bit more jisbony... ;) Also would like to take a moment to scream WASN'T THE PREMIERE AWESOME? I was a bit peeved with the end but the rest, pure genius. And the promo for this weeks makes me want to explode from the excitement. **

**Thanks for reading, please please please review. Pretty please with a cherry on top. **

**Emilyy xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**So so sorry for the wait guys! But life is pretty busy at the moment. A levels and all, and this just hasn't been the top of my list, i've been a little disheartened by the number of reviews compared to the number of people reading.. but a few more recent ones made me realise i should update. So huge thanks to TPLJ, J.L, Agentlisbon84757, Mentalgal, MicroPickle3, liev-13, MJ2387, Belle-irina, alice, hay, and especially BrokenDaisy, because i've been so busy i've not had time to review her fic yet :'( i promise i will soon honey! **

_And you can tell everybody this is your song  
>It may be quite simple, but now that it's done<br>I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words  
>How wonderful life is now you're in the world<em>

_Your Song - Ellie Goulding_

Chapter 9

Kel had shown her everywhere, and then taken her to what a small kind of studio, that basically just had mirrors and a couple of poles in. They'd managed to laugh their way through the awkwardness of her teaching her a few things, and she'd almost had fun in the moments when she forgot what she was doing, like it was all one big joke. Then she caught sight of her reflection and the amount of flesh she had on show. She shuddered to think what would happen if anyone saw her like this, somehow though, she was fairly confident it wasn't a regular haunt for school kids, and she was aware of where her dad spent most of his time, she'd spent the first two years trying to drag him away from that pub, and the last two hating its existence and her father for spending more time there than he did at home.

She'd gone back again, for another 'lesson' and Kel had said that she could do one more and then she'd probably be ready, she'd told her in a panic she didn't feel ready, and Kel had laughed and told her that for the first time, you never do.

She didn't have to go back till Friday though, so she was spending the next two afternoons with Cara. The boys could go home because their father would be out working, at least until after she got home.

Cara was no longer in hospital now, she was going in for treatment, and then going home. She wasn't back at school yet, but she said she'd hopefully be coming back soon, if only part time.

She was thrilled when the bell went on Wednesday, and met Jane, who was coming with her to see Cara. They walked and conversation came easily, though she felt a little like he was holding out on her, not saying something that he wanted to, and the thought made her more than a little uncomfortable. A million possibilities were flying round her head, and she was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she missed the turning to Cara's street.

"Lisbon," Jane's voice shook her out of her own headspace.

It amused her that a few weeks ago that him calling her that would have infuriated her, now it felt more like an 'affectionate' term, as Alex had put it. She nearly blushed at the thought, but told herself to snap out of it, "Right, sorry," she said.

"Something on your mind," he said, and she knew it wasn't a question.

She shrugged, "Just all of this," she gestured up at Cara's house, "I'm worried about her."

"You know I can tell when you're lying to me," he said, giving her a disapproving look.

"I am not lying!"_ And if that were true he'd have stopped me a hundred times by now, _she thought.

"And now you're thinking that if I really can tell when you're lying why haven't I stopped you before?" He said.

"I am not," she whacked his arm, "It's freaky when you do that you know," she said.

"You realize you just confirmed that I was right about what you were thinking."

"Shut up," she said.

He grinned at her, "So why are you lying?"

"I'm not lying, I am worried about her." She said quietly.

"You're worried about a lot of things," he said quietly, and her eyes shot up to meet his.

"Why do you care?" she said, a little bitterly, "We've known each other what, a month? What do you care if I'm lying or not?"

She saw the flash of hurt in his eyes and immediately regretted her words, "I'm sorry," she said quickly, "forget I said anything."

"You don't have to apologize," he looked at her, "I care because I care about you, you're hurting all the time and sometimes your other friends don't see that," he went on, "that's not their fault, you hide it well. I can read people," he said, searching her eyes, "But I can't figure you out."

She'd been so caught up in his blue-green eyes piercing hers that her brain only just registered his hand tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, it lingered there just a little longer than necessary.

She looked away from him, "We should go in," she said quietly, not meeting his gaze.

He could've screamed in frustration, what had they all told him? Don't push her. Before he could wonder what the consequences of this would be, she was practically by the front door, he jogged to catch up with her, and she still didn't look at him. "Teresa," he said softly.

She looked at him, her green eyes full of unshed tears and hurt, "Don't," she said.

He was trying to work out whether to say something when he was saved by the door opening, Sophie smiled down at them and let them in, "She's just in her room," she said, and Teresa ran up the stairs quickly, and he followed her, saying a quick thanks to Sophie.

"Hey guys," Cara said, as they entered the room, a huge smile on her face. She was sat in a big double bed that took up about half of the room, reading a book – he couldn't quite see what. It never ceased to amaze Jane how kind and cheerful Cara was for someone who was, yet again, fighting cancer.

He watched as she hugged Lisbon, and pulled up a chair next to her bed. "Oh don't worry about that, this bed's big enough for the three of us, come sit next to Teri," she said, and there was a moment of awkward eye contact avoiding between the girl in question and him.

"I'm not sure she'll like that," Jane said, deciding that joking was the way to go.

"I'm sure she'll deal with it," Cara laughed, and he watched with amusement as Lisbon's face fell a little, having been unable to attract Cara's attention.

"Well if you insist," he said, and had to hold back a laugh as Lisbon rolled her eyes, nudging not so subtly closer to Cara.

They chatted for a while, apparently the treatment was going okay, though her hair had started to fall out. He'd watched Teresa took her hand subtly when Cara parted with that bit of information, and saw what she'd been trying to explain to him about their friendship group the other day, they were family. She knew when Cara needed her, she didn't have to say anything, she just knew, and she knew her well enough to know the right way to provide some comfort. She said that hopefully she'd be going to school part time soon, apparently being at home all the time got boring.

"Plus," she said, "Mom is driving me crazy, I mean, I know she means well and everything, but honestly you'd think I was made of glass if you saw how she treats me, and it drives me nuts!"

Teresa smiled faintly, and Jane just watched her. "What's up with you guys?" Cara demanded, "You're really quiet, what happened? You two have a fight or something?"

"No," they said immediately.

"Oh that was answered way too quick," she narrowed her eyes at Teresa. "So what's wrong? Lovers tiff?" She teased.

"You've been taking lessons from Alex," Teresa muttered.

"It's funny you say that, because it was Alex who told me that you two-" She was stopped by Lisbon's hand over her mouth, she moaned in protest.

"Do not listen to Alex, you should know that nothing she says about anyone else is reliable. Understand?"

When Cara nodded, her eyes wide, she removed her hand. Jane watched this whole exchange with amusement, though he wasn't looking forward to leaving and being alone with her again after their slightly charged conversation earlier. He caught her eye and looked away, waiting for Cara to continue.

"Oh something did happen," she said, watching them carefully, "You," she pointed to Lisbon, "Leave, go talk to my mom about something, I'm more likely to get the truth out of him."

"Oh no, I am not leaving you in here with him," she said, perfectly serious.

"Teri."

"Cara."

"Do I really need to remind you of the many stories, photos, and general things I have on you?"

"I have all those things on you!" She exclaimed.

"Yes but which of us cares more about what he hears?" She asked evilly, jerking a thumb in Jane's direction.

She tried to look pleading, but Cara wasn't having any of it. "Fine," she said, then she turned to Jane, with a glare that clearly said, you tell her anything and you will wish you had never been born.

"Message received," Jane said, his hands up.

And a few seconds later she was gone. He turned to Cara, fairly certain she had other motives for getting Lisbon out of the room.

"Okay," Cara said with a deep breath, "What is going on with Ter?"

"I don't know," he said, honestly.

"Okay, what did you do to her then?" She asked, though not in an accusing manner. "I'm not going to tell her you told me, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm more worried about gaining her trust," Jane said, again honest.

She nodded, "Okay, so let's go with what you know about her and what she's told you, because I'm guessing I'll know most of that."

"Her favourite colour is green, but she loves blue to. She hates geography, loves history. She doesn't smile enough, but when she does…" his voice faded out, and he looked at Cara, "She worries about you a lot, she worries about all of you a lot. She tried to explain to me one time, about you guys, how you're basically family. I've met her brothers, they're great, she loves them more than most teenagers love their siblings, though they wind her up sometimes," he smiled, "She told me all about your leukemia, how you were all ten when you were diagnosed, she told me about that her mom died in a drunk driver accident… that's about it. What I know about her without her opening her mouth is probably a longer list."

"You've know her what? A month?" Cara asked, and he nearly laughed, he'd heard that before. "Do you have any idea how well you're doing?"

"What?" He asked, confused.

She laughed, "I've known Teri ten years, sure I probably know a bit more than you but… she told you about her mom? Seriously?"

He nodded, "I know she doesn't talk about it, the guys told me-"

Cara interrupted him, "When we say she doesn't talk about it, we mean, never. As in," she sighed, "as in she didn't actually tell any of us, our parents found out, after it happened we tried to talk to her about it, but we got nothing. When exactly did she tell you?"

"A week ago, maybe," he said.

"I know she doesn't act like it," Cara said, "But she trusts you, at least a little bit, and definitely more than she's letting on."

"I can't figure her out," he said.

"Well keep trying," Cara said, and seeing the look on his face added, "She's worth it you know, especially if she does let you in."

"I know," he said.

"You care about her right?"

"Yes," he said, his eyes betraying just how much he did care.

"I thought so," she said, "Something's wrong," she said unhappily, "And there's not much I can do when I'm stuck like this."

"I get it," he said.

"Good," she said, "But please, don't hurt her, or you will probably be hunted down."

Jane smiled, "Funny," he said, "I've heard that before."

**Reviews would be lovely. :) **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Emily xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**I am very very very sorry for the wait. I really am. I've not had a good last few months, i've had exams, i got screwed over by my ex, it's not been fun. But i am back! This chapter isn't the lightest, maybe borders M in themes but seeing as you know what this story is about.. you'll probs all be good to read it anyway. Huge thank you to BrokenDaisy (i'm very sorry i haven't been in touch) music-and-fairytales, couchpotato565, Belle-irina, J.L, PurpleDancenNinja, Mj2387, OutCold, Mentalgal, Jisbon1996, J.L (again, and thank you for the push) and AngryLittlePrincess, i'm glad you are enjoying it, and thank you for reminding me how desperately i needed to update. I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)**

****_Nobody said it was easy,_

_It's such a shame for us to part,_

_Nobody said it was easy, _

_No one every said it would be this hard,_

_Oh take me back to the start. _

The scientist - Coldplay

Chapter 10

She stared into the mirror in front of her, her heart beating slowly, her breathing under control. Slowly she lifted a hand up, bringing it to her forehead and running her fingers through her dark tousled hair. She wriggled her freshly painted toenails in the black killer stilettos she had on. Her eyes travelled up her own body, inspecting it. Dressed in red again, she reflected, as she had been the second time she came to this place, when she had first met Liz and Kel. Except this time there was a lot less material. Red silk and lace mixed, barely covering her front and back. The bruises on her flat stomach had gone since last time, the edge of the red lace ran straight, just under her slightly pronounced hip bones. Red on white. Angry on innocent. Her eyes travelled up and over her no longer bruised stomach to the two silk and lace triangles of material that just barely covered her breasts. Again with the red. Red, crimson, scarlet. Blood, anger, passion. Sex. She shuddered at the last, pushed the thought away. She didn't feel any of those things, she didn't feel anything other than empty. Looking at a person in the mirror who was just her shell, surely it wasn't really her? She didn't look like her.

She didn't feel like her.

Her eyes continued their journey up to her face. What she supposed should have been the hardest bit. Her lips matched her outfit, crimson and smooth, slippery. Her cheekbones high, she could still feel the make up brush smooth and rushed over her skin. Her eyes were dark, smoky make up surrounding them and mascara lifting the lashes. Underneath it all they were green as usual, but they looked dead to her. She was going to have to get better at faking it.

Her dark hair was down, messy, covering up her porcelain skin more than anything she was wearing did. It stopped her feeling completely bare.

"Hey baby," Sam's voice cooed to her, he slipped an arm around her waist, turning her to him.

She did her best not to physically shudder in disgust, not to automatically pull away from the unwanted contact. Unwanted contact, another thing she was going to have to get used it.

"Hi Sam," she said, trying to put a smile on her face, she had a feeling it had ended up fairly twisted.

" Relax angel, you'll be fine, even if you screw up you've got the fact you look perfectly fuckable to fall back on."

She felt sick.

"Sam!" She heard another girls voice call, "Knock 'em dead angel," he said with a grin.

She was going to be sick.

"Hey you hottie," she was relieved to hear Kel's friendly voice from behind her.

She turned to her, and Kel's face twisted in concern, "Don't throw up," she said, grabbing her hand, "Okay come on, deep breathing."

A few minutes later she'd calmed down a little, "Just remember what I taught you and what I've said, after you perform you'll get down, serve some drinks, then you'll get up again whenever, I'll be right there with you," she said, "You're gonna be fine." She said, handing her a shot glass. "Vodka," she explained, "Takes the edge off."

She downed the liquid, swallowing the bitter taste, swallowing the regrets.

"Thanks," she said quickly, avoiding the other girls eyes.

"You can do it," she said, "Just think of who you're doing it for, think of the money. You'll get through it I promise. I have to go, I'm up, but I'll still be around when they drag you out." She said, "Good luck."

And then she was gone.

Luckily, having seen the inside of the club part of this place, she knew it wouldn't just be her up, there were a lot of mini stages with a pole stuck in the middle of them, and she knew she was on one that was to the right of Kel for her first night. Sam had called it moral support. She'd nearly laughed, there was nothing moral about what they were doing.

The guys were dirt, but naturally, they would have to be to come to a place like this. She'd gotten away with just plastering a smile on her face and handing out drinks as they leered after her, but she couldn't shake the feeling of disgust. At least while she danced they weren't within touching distance, well, at least not this early in the night. Even if she showered twenty times later she knew she'd still feel dirty, bare.

She'd close her eyes every so often, pretending that this was all a dream, that it wasn't real. That was how you got through it, she supposed. She was stood by the bar waiting for one of the girls to pour the drinks, having already been up twice, when she caught the eye of a guy sat on the table.

There was a hunger in his eyes she couldn't really identify, didn't want to, and she broke contact, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. She'd noticed him watching her earlier, but the way he was looking at her made something flare up inside of her. And her instincts were screaming at her to get out of his sight, to run. Something she clearly couldn't do. She tried to get a hold on the panic building up inside of her, and the fear that was quickly following.

A voice shook her out of the fear for a moment and replaced it with annoyance, annoyance that she quickly hid. "Angel," Sam's breath was on her ear and his hand on her bare waist, as he suddenly appeared behind her. "You're doing great," he purred.

It made her feel marginally better to know he touched all of the girls this way, but it still didn't stop it being creepy. She had flashbacks to the coffee shop, _"Now that's a good work ethic," _he'd said. She almost laughed; what could he possibly know about ethics?

She smiled weakly at him, thankful that the tray of drinks was ready she took it and tried to step around him, "You just keep on pleasing customers," he said with a grin that made her shudder, and then he was gone, and talking to a bunch of men on another table, who were the exception to the rest of the room, and were not drunk, they'd just been watching the girls all night. Which made her uneasy.

But then again, everything here made her uneasy.

By the end of this she was convinced she could be an actress, were her thoughts as she put on a fake smile and served these men's drinks. She was no stranger to men who had way too much alcohol in their system, and all five men clearly fell under that category. But she bit her tongue and handed them more, pretending it didn't matter. Pretending that this was all okay.

She was just about to turn to walk away when the guy that had been eying her up grabbed her wrist to stop her, the tray slipped out of her hand as he pulled her back to face him.

_Please let go. _

_Please stop, just let go, let me pick up the tray and go. _

"Come on sweetheart, don't be shy," the guys around him laughed and she could feel her heartbeat speeding up, fear choking her, robbing her of the ability to form sentences. She was less than a foot away from him now and she could feel his hands on her hips, around her waist, as the drunk guy pulled her onto his lap. "We could use a little company couldn't we fellas?" His words were slightly slurred and she had a rather unpleasant thought – to come here in the first place these guys can't be decent, but with this amount of alcohol in their systems? She tried to remember the number of drinks she'd served in between her dancing, but she couldn't, the whole night was a bit of a blur, and she wasn't under the influence.

"You were great up there," he whispered, the stink of alcohol on his breath flooding her with too many pictures and unwanted memories to count, and she wasn't sure what was worse, the past or the present. "You're very beautiful," he slurred again, his hands running up her legs. _And sixteen, _she added mentally, trying to block it out. His other hand on her back, trailing down, she tried to fight the intense desire to run, but when his hand met lace it was all too much.

"Why don't I go get you some more drinks?" She said, trying to keep her face smiling, unwavering.

"What's wrong sexy?" God she hated this.

"Nothing's wrong," she said smiling at him, "I'll be back in two seconds," she said, delicately getting up off him and heading away.

Her mind was spinning and her heart going so fast that as she struggled to just walk away instead of run, she completely missed him getting up and following her.

She walked around the bar and through some doors to the stairs, she needed to calm down. She needed to squash the fears and the panic and quite simply get used to how cheap she felt if this was ever going to work. And this was going to work, it had to, she'd run out of options. She'd run out of choices, there were no alternatives, and there was no going back.

She jumped when the guy came through the doors with, his eyes flashed with anger and yet again her instincts screamed at her to run, but it was too late. She gasped as he pinned her up against the wall, not at the actions but at the cold wall at her back.

"Sir you're not supposed to be back here," she stammered, the panic was back and it had hit her full force.

"What's wrong baby?" She was completely trapped, it was him then a wall, there was no way out. "Don't worry," he grinned, his eyes roaming over her body hungrily, "I'll be gentle."

She'd never felt fear like this before and it was all she could do not to cry, she was exposed enough as it is and knew it wouldn't take much. She bit back tears as one hand spread up her stomach groping at her chest, the other was between her thighs. She couldn't stop the tears any longer, and they rolled down her cheeks, she thought of Patrick and she felt a stabbing in her chest, the thought just made the tears flow faster and she knew she had to do something, it couldn't happen like this.

She tried to push him off but was unsuccessful, and he slammed her back against the wall, the tears and objection only seemed to make him angrier. "Don't pretend you don't want this," he said furiously, "You can't dress up like a whore and not expect men to want you," his hands went back to where they had been and she cried out as he tried to untie her top, she struggled against him again, still trying to push him off, but it was no use, compared to him she was tiny. With little effort he pinned her against the wall with his body, held her wrists above her head, "The things I'm going to do to you," he whispered, a lusty smile on his face. He leant forward to kiss her and she took the opportunity to bite down on his lip, hard. She knew she'd drawn blood because she could taste it, and using the surprise to her advantage, she managed to wriggle out of his grip and started to run, but he'd recovered from the shocked before it was too late and lurched after her, grabbing her.

"You bitch!" He yelled touching a hand to his lip, "That's it, I hope you like it rough 'cause-"

He was interrupted, "Harry what the hell are you doing?"

She'd never been so relieved to hear Sam's voice.

"Oh cut the crap Sam, quit acting like you give a shit what I do to this one, or what I do to any of your girls."

"Fuck you," Sam said, "Are you fucking paying for it? No, so get the fuck out of here and leave her alone," The guy looked sullen, but let go of her, and relief slowly started to seep into her, "Go on," Sam said, "Get out of here."

And then he was gone.

"Thanks," she said softly, wiping away tears and looking down, shock and shame settling in.

"I'm sorry about that," Sam said, "Harry's an old regular, not so great once he's got a few drinks down him…"

"It's okay," she lied, "No harm done."

_But there would have been if you hadn't turned up. _

"It's your first night as well," he shook his head and then checked his watch, "Tell you what, it's already twenty to one, why don't you clock off early angel, the rest of us can take it from here, swing by my office in ten and I'll pay you."

She nodded, silently thankful, she couldn't have gone back out there to face him again.

She turned before he could say anything else and disappeared off upstairs. When she got to the dressing room it was empty, and she couldn't tear what little she had on off fast enough. She flung the red scraps of material far away from her and grasped for her underwear, quickly shoving on jeans and a jumper, needing to cover herself up. She grabbed a makeup remover wipe furiously and began to ruthlessly get rid of every last scrap, every layer of makeup off. She got rid of the crimson lips first, quickly followed by the smoky eyes, then the foundation. She dropped the wipe in the bin and stared at her reflection. She was her again. Except that her eyes were a little darker than before, her posture more guarded.

She flashed back to being pinned up against that wall; she could still feel his rough hands, no matter how much she tried to shut it out. It made her sick to think how much worse it could've been. She grabbed her bag and headed out, but her mind wouldn't stop spinning.

She practically grabbed the cash out of Sam's hand, not even bothering to count it, she was so anxious to get out of there.

It wasn't until she was, just over half an hour later, sat in the darkness of her room that she finally allowed herself to break down again. She lay on her bed, and mercifully exhaustion – both physical and emotional, won, and it wasn't long at all before she managed to cry herself to sleep.

**I would really love to hear your thoughts :) Next chapter is already written yayayayy, nearly as depressive, but well, after that it picks up a bit as does the Jisbon ;)**

**Please review! Thanks for reading, **

**Emily xxx  
><strong>

**P.s if anyone has tumblr my link is on my profile, follow me and i'll follow back, i figure if you're here we'll like the same stuff ;) **


	11. Chapter 11

__**Another update, yay! Sorry i only got round to review replies today, y'know how life can be. But i wanted to say thank you so much to those of you who did review, because your reviews were wonderful and truly touching. So a huge thanks to MJ2387, Belle-irina, J.L (a huge thank you, as i can't reply properly - your review was lovely) AngryLittlePrincess, MentalGal, MedusaCascade164, Purple Carnation, BrokenDaisy, OutCold and HannahbananaJane. You are all wonderful, thank you! And thanks to people that followed me on tumblr :D (your blogs are all great)**

_Get up (get up)  
>Come on (come on)<br>Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)  
>You'll never change<br>What's been and gone_

Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis

Chapter 11

She could've died the next morning, when her alarm went off at six. From the shame, the hurt, the bone deep exhaustion from everything she had to deal with, and the four hours sleep she'd managed to grab last night.

She dragged herself out of bed, and quickly checked under her mattress that the envelope she'd hastily stuffed under it last night was still there. She was still for a second, listening for signs that anyone else in the house was up. She didn't hear any, so, sat on the floor with her back to the door, she opened it, the notes slipped between her fingers as she counted, three hundred and ninety five dollars. In one night. She understood what Kel had meant when she said the money was too good to leave the job. If she could just manage to do that in her nights, confine it to that and forget about it when she woke up in the morning. This much money… they could eat, she could even put a little away, try and save for later one when they might need it.

Then last night came flooding back to her, the large pulsing music, the dancing, the leering looks. She could smell the lust mixed with alcohol in the air, a disgusting stench, she could still feel _his_ hands on her, and the panic that had built in her. The tears.

His words rang in her head like a siren, loud and blaring _"You can't dress up like a whore and not expect men to want you," _she shuddered, and drew her arms around herself, the money fluttered to the ground.

She tried to shake herself out of it. You have to do this, she told herself.

You have to.

You don't have a choice.

She heard someone else's words ringing her head then, _"You always have a choice,"_ he'd said. She'd thought he was wrong then, too.

She gathered up the money, telling herself to get it together, she shoved it back in the envelope and returned it to its hiding place, and went about her daily routine.

It was only when she was getting dressed did she notice the bruises around her wrists, both of them, in a circle. From where he'd tried to restrain her last night. She shivered and quickly grabbed a plain black cardigan and shoved it on, hiding the bruises from herself and from others prying eyes. She made a mental note not to take it off today.

The boys weren't quite up yet when she realized with a great deal of dread, that her dad had surfaced, and apparently he hadn't slept it off long enough, and was still drunk.

"Teri," he slurred, coming up from behind her as she finished the boys lunches for the day.

"Hi Dad," she said, in a small voice, trying to duck around him and go upstairs, to wake the boys.

"You're not getting away that easy," he said, still slurring the words slightly as he stepped to block her exit.

"I'm just going to wake the boys," she said, begging for this not to happen now, "Or they'll be late."

"Don't lie," he said, and she saw the anger building and knew that it didn't matter what she said now, he'd find a way to get around it, a way to be angry at her.

"I'm not," she said, "It's school we need to wake them up."

"You're just trying to get away… from me."

"I'm not talking to you when you're like this," she said, "You're drunk, dad."

"And why weren't you in when I got home last night? Where were you at 1am you dirty little slut? How could you leave your brothers like that?"

"I was working, I have a job, and don't you dare ask me that, you're supposed to be our _father_ you shouldn't be leaving them," she said, months of built up anger simmering just below the surface, ready to boil over.

"Don't you talk to me that way, I'm your father," he yelled at her.

"Well maybe you should start _acting_ like one," she yelled back.

"You can't talk to me that way, you've always been a mouthy little bitch, your mother-"

That was it, she was gone. "Don't you _dare_ bring up mom," she screamed, "Don't you dare," tears were leaking out of her eyes now.

"I have every ri-"

"You have no right," she said, her tone unsteady, "If mom could see you now she'd be sick, she would _hate_ you," she said bitterly, lashing out with words as more tears fell.

She saw it coming when his fist collided with her face. She could feel his blind rage as he hit her to the ground, as he kicked her again and again. The tiles were cold on her hands, but the blood was warm as it trickled down her chin.

The pain came with each blow, but she could barely feel it anymore, she was there, but she wasn't. Not really. Sometimes she just wished that it would all end.

"Teri," she heard a scream as Tommy rushed down the stairs and launched himself at their dad. It brought her back to here and now as he flicked him off easily, and in anger turned and rounded on him.

"No!" She cried, "Leave him alone," she begged, "Please, just, Tommy, Tommy get upstairs NOW."

"Teri."

"Go!" she said, and her father turned on her again, and she briefly wondered how long this round would last. When his fist collided with her again, she realized it would be best to stop caring.

He left the house, grabbing his cars keys and muttering madly to himself. She didn't care. As far as she was concerned the wrong parent had had the car accident the first time round anyway.

She tried to drag herself off the kitchen floor, but everything hurt, and she was fairly sure she wasn't a pretty picture right now.

"Teri," Tommy came rushing down the stairs, his cheeks tear ridden.

He ran to her side, putting an arm around his petite sister, trying to help her up. Together they got her to the couch, and settled her there.

"I'm sorry Teri," he said, his eyes glistening and she put her arms round him, hugging him as tight as she could without hurting herself.

"Don't be, you did exactly what I asked, thank you," she said sincerely.

"But I let him hit you," he said, his lip quivering.

"It's okay," she said with a small smile, "Better me than you."

He didn't look pleased with this answer but didn't say anything else on the matter.

"Now I don't think I'm going to make it into school today," she said, her fingers wiping the blood off her chin. She could feel her lip was split.

"Do you need a hospital?" Tommy asked fearfully.

"No," she said softly, "I'm fine Tommy, go get your brothers ready, go on."

He looked at her with sadness in his eyes, but disappeared upstairs. She never forgot that he was still only eleven. He turned twelve in a month or so, the age she'd been when their mom had died. She shook the feeling of guilt that came with knowing that out of all her siblings, she'd been the luckiest, she was the one who'd known their mother for that long, the one whose childhood had been relatively untouched by such tragedy.

It hurt to breathe and she prayed that she was just still winded, and that she really didn't have to go to hospital.

"Tessa!" Benny's cry hurt more than any of her injuries in that moment.

"Hey Benny, I'm going to be staying home today." She said, digging deep to drag out a fake smile for him.

"You're hurt!" He cried, touching a tiny hand ever so gently on her bruised cheek.

She gave him a slightly watery eyed smile and have him a hug, "I'm fine, now go have a good day."

"Maybe I shouldn't leave," Tommy said, clearly torn and unwilling to leave his sister.

"Tommy," she gestured for him to come over, "I need you to look after your brothers, take them to school." She said quietly, looking into green eyes that mirrored hers. "I'll be fine," she said.

"Okay," he said, and five minutes and several concerned looks later, they were out the door.

She sighed and laid her back onto a cushion. There was so much to think about, Cara, the boys, work, how much everyone would worry when she didn't turn up to school today. What Jane would think. How long the bruises would take to fade this time.

But she didn't think about any of that, because within about two minutes sheer exhaustion took over, and she found herself slipping, into a blissful state on unconsciousness, sleep.

She woke up about four hours later, she thought it was probably the hunger that woke her. She eased herself off the couch gently, her eyes stung with tears at the pain. Easing herself further and further, she finally got up and stretched out a little, testing her joints. Her stomach hurt and it was slightly difficult to breathe, everywhere was sore but she'd live. She always did.

She spent the rest of the day moving slowly, lying on the couch and watching tv whenever she was actually awake. When no one was back at sometime around three she decided she'd have a bath, in the hope it would soothe some of the aching. She grabbed a towel and some underwear, and ran it hot, the steam from the water misting up the mirror and window. She closed the door, slipped off her pajamas, and sank into the water, her muscles screaming in delight as the hot water enveloped her, caressing her worn body. Letting her body relax after everything she'd put it through in the last few days felt good, but she was painfully aware that if she looked down, she would see the bruises beginning to form, if they hadn't already. A constant reminder of how she was trapped, how they all were.

She didn't want to cry, she wasn't really sure she had any tears left, but something about their whole situation just made her feel empty. And alone, always alone. She could hear that the boys were back and that she should probably get out soon. She knew that they'd know where she was and would just continue on as per usual, but she wanted to check that they were okay. Especially Tommy, he worried too much.

She got out the bath, her movements still slow, but the soreness eased a little, and quickly towel dried herself, putting on her underwear and some jeans, she hadn't been able to find a top before she got in, so she shoved a bra on and then quickly towel dried her hair, before heading back to her room.

She walked along the landing listening to the boys, it always touched her how good the older ones were with Benny, especially Jack, he was so patient. She backed into her bedroom door to open it, dropping her towel carelessly on the floor as she closed the door and turned to hunt for a top.

She was more than a little shocked at what she found.

"Jane!" she screamed, scrambling for something to cover up, a huge wave of dread washing over her, "What the _hell_ are you doing here?"

**Dun dun dunnnn ;) plot development yay :) **

**So what does everyone think? Next chapter is interesting. I'm telling you now. :P**

**Please review, i appreciate it so much (even if it does take me a few weeks to reply!) **

**Thanks so much for reading :) **

**Emily xxxx**


	12. Chapter 12

__**Hey guyssss, another update yayyy! I'm sorry i haven't had time to reply to your reviews personally, but they were so lovely, thank you so much to ellesbelles2009, TempeBeckett, AngryLittlePrincess, an anon, couchpotato565, ChiefBandit, J.L, Mentalgal, OutCold, music-and-fairytales, Aquata, Kaoh, j2, jazz, Droupy48, Purple Carnation and HannahbananaJane :D i figured you'd prefer an update to a reply anyways, but a massive thanks to you all :) **

**I decided today i'd write this instead of doing my English coursework, a decision i will no doubt regret by the time it gets to Wednesday night and still haven't started redrafting, but oh well :') Anyway i hope you enjoy, and the lyrics i've used for this chapter are from my favourite song everrr. So other sections of the song will inevitably be used for later chapters, i'm warning you now. :P**

_Lights will guide you home,_

_And ignite your bones,_

_And I will try to fix you. _

Fix You - Coldplay

Chapter 12

Tears filled her eyes before she could stop them; she froze, caught like a deer in the headlights. His eyes were fixated on her top half, not at her so much as her bruises.

They stood like that, frozen. Staring the other down. She honestly didn't know how long it was for, not longer than a few seconds she supposed, but it feels like longer, a lot longer, when you're exposed and you're vulnerable and someone's just discovered your deepest darkest secret. She sprung into action when he took a step towards her, still not saying anything; she grabbed the towel and wrapped it around her torso, an attempt to erase from his sight from his mind. But she knew it was pointless, she knew he'd never get the image out of his head. She knew every time he saw her it was all he'd remember, the imperfections, the ugly marks on her pale skin. To him she was fragile, and he'd never see her in the same way again. That was the thought that made her heart constrict sharply, the thought that meant she was hardly able to breathe.

"Teresa," the way he said her name, barely a whisper, and the tears in his own eyes - she hated him. She hated that he could triple the intensity of her emotions just by saying her name.

"Don't," she said, her voice trembling a little. Backing away.

She could see him putting the pieces together, and the panic started to build up inside of her. This is one of those moments that changes your life, changes how everything was, how everything would be. One second you're fine, the next there's a knock on the door. A blow to the face. And you know that from that point on, no matter how badly you want to, you can't go back. "Get out," she said, her voice unwavering this time. "Get out."

"I'm not leaving," he said quietly, the protectiveness present in his voice was too much for her. Why did he have to care? It would be so much easier if he didn't.

It would be so much easier if she didn't, too.

"Please," she whispered.

"I'm not leaving you," he said, the tears and unmistakable anger still very much glistening in his eyes. She could get lost in those eyes. But maybe that was why she was so afraid to look into them.

She fought not to roll her eyes at those words. _He's lying. Everyone always leaves in the end._

"I'm not lying Teresa," he said softly. Her eyes snapped up to meet his, and he took a step closer to her. He was just a foot away from her now. He lifted an ever so slightly trembling hand up, and hesitantly took it to her hand that was still clutching the towel round her body. Gently he pried her hand open, and she let him, causing the towel to drop once again to the floor.

He didn't bother to hold back the tears any longer and the sight of her so hurt made them spill over, thick and fast. His tears triggered her own, and she knew there was no going back now.

His hands were soft, delicate as they traced the bruises across her stomach, up her arms, across her collar bone. His hands were warm and gentle but they way they skimmed her skin still gave her goose bumps. She started sobbing when he got to her neck, the shame and the hurt finally winning.

Ever so gently he wrapped his arms around her, and gradually, she gave in, and hugged him back. Her body shook and he traced soothing patterns on her shoulder blades, even though she could feel him crying too.

She didn't really know what was going on, or what exactly these feelings meant. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish from the pain and the sadness and the fear. To get to all those emotions in between. And she was in emotional overload. And it was so hard to tell… so hard to separate everything. She didn't know what she was feeling, because she was feeling too much. She sure as hell didn't know why she was letting him in, why she was letting him see her cry.

The sobs stopped eventually but even then he didn't let go. This was bad. This was very bad. The panic that had been previously present began to build up in her again and she forced herself to pull away, and walked round him to her bed, grabbing a top and pulling it on.

"Teresa," he turned to her.

"Stop it," she whispered, "Stop crying, stop caring," she said in a hollow voice.

"Your dad did that to you didn't he?" The anger was back in his eyes.

"Shut up," she said, "Just shut up."

"And no one knows, not Cara or Alex or Grace."

"Jane."

"This has been going on for years, and you take it, to protect your brothers. And you hide it for the same reason."

"What are you even doing here?" She asked, her voice dangerously low.

"I came to see why you weren't in school, Tommy sent me up here," he said.

"You should go," she said, drawing her knees up to chest and wrapping her arms around them. _Because if you stay I'm scared I'll cry more, and tell you everything. _

"I've already told you I'm not leaving," he went over and sat a safe distance away from her on the bed.

"You can't tell anyone," she said, the pleading now evident in her voice. She saw the expression on his face and spoke before he could open his mouth, "You can't, please, they'd split us up, we'd move," she was crying again now, "if you care about me at all you won't say anything."

He looked at her, lost for words. This was an impossible situation. Keep her safe and have her hate you, have her taken away, possibly to somewhere worse… Or do nothing, and let him keep hurting her. The hate and pure anger for her father was beginning to settle in now, how could he do this to someone so precious? So good? She was his daughter for gods sake, and you don't hurt the people you love. You hold onto them. Because you never know when they might be lost.

"Please," she said again, and he knew that he couldn't do it. He couldn't tear her away from her brothers and watch them all suffer more.

At least here he could help. If he didn't say anything he could help.

"Promise," she said, her eyes glistening with tears, "You have to promise."

Not that it meant that much. Promises were so easily broken, and she knew that better than most. _I won't drink again. I won't hit you again. Things are going to get better. I promise. _

Promises were useless, just as useless as words, and they broke just as easily as hearts. Yet still she was insisting he did. That he promised. Because he wasn't like her father, that much she knew. He was better, and she had a feeling he'd have a much harder time breaking his promises.

Not that he wouldn't. But that he'd have a much harder time if he said the words out loud.

"Say it," she urged, like it would seal the deal. A pact. Designed to keep her secret safe, to prevent the undoing of years of hard work, the years of silent crying in a dark room. Locked away from her friends, who's heart it would break if they ever discovered it, locked away from the world, who wouldn't understand her reasons for hiding it.

"I promise if you do," he whispered.

"What?"

"I'll promise if you promise to let me in, to let me help you."

She regarded him suspiciously. "Why?"

He tried his hardest not to sound exasperated. "Because I don't want to see you hurt."

"Why do you care so much?"

He fell silent. He looked at her and he saw the same feelings he had reflected in her eyes, and was confused about what she wanted to hear.

Butterflies shot through her as their eyes connected, and the goosebumps returned. She had to make a conscious effort not to shudder, and wondered why he made her feel this way. It was scary, it terrified her, because she knew better than anyone that another person to love in the world is just another one you risk losing.

"That's why," he said quietly, the heartache for her and the pain transparent in his eyes.

She looked at him, "You don't know what you're getting into." She said softly, "You don't want to do this, not really."

"You don't have to do everything alone, Teresa."

_Well I'm used to it. _

"And you need to stop thinking things to yourself."She glared at him, "You're quite transparent you know," he teased.

"Clearly not," she shot back, regretting the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. "Sorry," she said quickly.

He shrugged, "Do you promise?"

"I promise," she whispered, and she wasn't lying. Not really. She wouldn't be lying… she would just be leaving out certain things. Like her job. But I wasn't lying, because he didn't know about that. He knew about the bruises, and she would try, she really would try to let him in. "Your turn."

"I promise," he said softly, knowing if he was going to have a chance to protect her he didn't have a choice.

"Let me have a proper look at those," he said gesturing at her torso.

"What you didn't have a good enough look earlier?" she said, and then laughed weakly at the look on his face, "relax, I'm kidding. We both know this is just an excuse to see me with my clothes off," she joked, hoping to put a smile on his face.

She was successful, that drew out the charming and oh so slightly cocky grin she knew, probably too well. "In any other situation I'd say you might be right," he replied, making her blush slightly, "But I want to have a proper look, do you have any bruise cream?"

She nodded, "Second drawer," she said, and he opened the bedside drawer searching for it as she peeled her top off, surprising herself with her willingness.

"What are you doing?" she asked, he was smiling into her drawer…

"You were a cute kid," he grinned. She groaned. She'd forgotten about the photo she had in there.

"Shut up," she said, going to snatch the photo out of his hands, but he held it out of her reach.

It was a photo of Alex, Grace, her and Cara aged ten, it was taken about six months after she'd been diagnosed, they were all stood in front of Graces house and all of them had ice cream, half of it still in the cones and the other half smeared around their face. Alex was laughing, and she was mid speech. She loved the photo – but it was highly embarrassing.

After he'd had a good look, he put the photo back, and grabbed the cream.

He scooted over to her on the bed, and winced as he had a closer look, assessing the damage. There were dark circular bruises on her wrists, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw him looking at them. Because they weren't from her father. She took the cream off him, barely catching his whisper of "I'll do it," she raised her eyebrows at him.

"You have some bad ones on your back," he said quietly, brushing her damp hair off her back, and beginning to apply the cream.

They sat in silence for a minute, as he began to gently rub the cream in. He was the one to break the silence, "Does this happen often?"

"It depends," she said, "on when dad comes in, and how drunk he is. And what kind of mood he's in."

"How long?" he asked, afraid to hear the answer.

She paused, scared to answer, "Since I was 13."

She was glad she couldn't see his reaction to that answer.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

She shrugged, "At the time Cara was still sick, my friends didn't need anything else to worry about. By the time she went into remission, hiding it was second nature. I just need to hold on for two more years, until I can get my brothers out of here."

He didn't mention the flaws in her plan, like money, and legal issues, and she appreciated it.

He didn't question her not telling her friends, even though they were wonderful, there are just some things you keep to yourself. Especially in a group like that. For self preservation more than anything else.

"They'd look at me differently," she said.

He understood that, that fear. "I'm not looking at your differently."

"But you are," she said, "even if it's not by much. But you knew something was going on anyway, my friends have been living with me like this for so long they don't know any different."

"My father's a con artist, I used to be part of the con, pretend to be psychic. I ripped off old people, sick people, desperate people, all for money."

"You didn't," she said, "Your father did, that's not your fault."

"Do you see me differently?"

She thought about it, "Not really, no."

"Precisely. None of this is your fault." He said quietly.

His hands were soft on her back, gentle on her bruises. "Patrick," she whispered, turning to him, "I-"

Before she had the chance to continue, he kissed her.

**Please please please review. I know it's not as drastic a cliffhanger as last time but i spent so long on this and was anxious about posting (i'm scared it's not quite right...) So your thoughts would be lovely :)**

**Thanks so much for reading :D **

**Emily xxx**


End file.
